


Under False Pretenses

by Incognito_Writer



Series: A Jacey Lewis Thriller [1]
Category: Darren Hayes (Musician), Savage Garden
Genre: Celebrities, F/M, Murder Mystery, San Francisco, Thriller, Writers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:44:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22021804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Incognito_Writer/pseuds/Incognito_Writer
Summary: A cross country work trip has some unwelcome surprises, betrayal and murder for writer Jacey Lewis.
Series: A Jacey Lewis Thriller [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1585096





	Under False Pretenses

“Darn!” I stared up at the television monitor displaying the departing flights.  
My older sister Angela look at me, confused. “But Jacey, your flight is on time.”  
“Yeah, I was hoping to delay it a bit longer.” I made a face. I hated flying. Hated might have a bit of an understatement. I had to be medicated by my doctor to even get on a plane. I had taken my medicine fifteen minutes before, and wasn’t feeling anything yet.  
Angela had offered to drive me to the airport this January morning. New York was icy cold this time of year, but I was sweating in my coat, and it wasn’t from the heat inside the airport. It was nerves. I had to fly to San Francisco to meet with my publisher. My new book, Smother, was coming out next month and I had put off this meeting for as long as I could, but it had to happen.  
“Well,” Angela grinned. “Let’s see....you are 27 years old, have five bestsellers, another book coming next month. You are in talks with Dream Works to have Ride made into a movie, you own your own Park Avenue condo.....you have to fly to California to meet with your publisher. First class, I might add. I don’t feel so sorry for you.”  
“Well, if I make it that far.” I forced a smile as the boarding announcement sounded. I stood up and instantly swayed. “Whoa!”  
“Drugs getting to you?” Angela grabbed my arm to steady me.  
“Yeah...I’d better get on this plane before I pass out.” I smiled weakly. I gave my sister a big hug. “Thanks so much for driving me. I’ll call you when I get there. I love you.” My eyes teared up. I always acted like a baby at the airport. Something about trusting your life to a big machine and two humans piloting it....  
Angela patted my back. “Jace, you’ll be fine. But I love you too, and I’m really proud of you.”  
“Thanks.” I picked up my carry-on bag and headed for the doorway. As I handed the ticket agent my boarding pass I turned and gave a wave to Angela. “See ya Sis!”  
She blew me a kiss as I disappeared behind the large door.  
I took my window seat in huge comfortable seats in first class after informing the flight attendant that I was drugged and terrified. She promised to make sure I got off the plane in San Francisco if I was still too drugged to be conscious.  
I put my seat back a little and leaned back, taking a deep breath. Slowly, I drifted away into the world of dreams and impossible fairy tales.  
When I awoke an hour later, intense blue eyes were staring at me. I sat up with a start and gasped.  
“Oh, sorry,” the blue eyes said. Or the person with the blue eyes. Drugs did weird things to you, even if they were prescribed. Right then I was hallucinating. Not only did the eyes talk, but the face was of Darren Hayes, only my favorite singer and at the moment, the top selling artist in the music business. His single Insatiable had been at number one for six weeks, and showed no sign of slowing down.  
I laughed. “Crazy.”  
I rubbed my eyes. He was still there, looking at me strangely.  
“Oh shit, did I say that out loud?” I laughed again. Stupid drugs. I passed out.  
When I awoke the next time I didn’t even open my eyes. I must not have been out too long, because I could hear the guy next to me calling over the flight attendant. “I think....I think she’s sick.”  
“Oh, she’s been medicated. She’ll probably be out for the rest of the flight,” I heard the flight attendant say. “But I’m sure she appreciates your concern Mr. Hayes.”  
What did she say? Mr. Hayes? Oh crap. It really was him. What did I say? I sure hoped I didn’t have any drool running down my chin. I slowly opened my eyes. And squeezed them shut again. Yep, it was him. Sitting right next to me. Great first impression. I took a deep breath and looked at him.  
“Hi, I’m really sorry about before. I’m on these drugs, see, because I have this intense fear of flying. Well, of crashing really.” Yeah that sounded better.  
“That's okay, and you are shouting,” he replied. Darn it all. Second impression not going so well either.  
“Sorry,” I said, in a forced whisper. For the record, it’s very hard trying to lower your voice when you didn’t know you were shouting in the first place. “Just so you know, I’m not nuts, and I act nothing like this when I’m not drugged. Not that I’m acting like anything right now. I mean, usually I just sleep, but I thought I was hallucinating.....” I drifted off because I could hear myself slurring my words.  
Darren was obviously trying to hold back a smile and failing.  
“It’s okay, you can laugh at me.” I reassured him. “And they are prescribed, just so you know.  
“Okay, I believe you. Uh, do you fly often?” He asked. I just stared at him. He was very attractive. The magazines did not do him justice. He waved a hand in front of my face. “Hello?”  
“Oh. What? Oh I know. No.” I stammered. I paused. “Let me try that again. No, I don’t fly very often. Ha, would you believe words are my specialty, what I do for a living, yet I cannot construct an understandable sentence right now?”  
Darren look apprehensive. “Are you a journalist?”  
“Me? Nooo,” I laughed hysterically, trying to imagine my totally unorganized self as a journalist. I was bad enough with my deadlines as a novelist. My editor was always on my ass about it.  
He looked relieved.  
I went on. “No, see I don’t fly. I would have rather taken a train or a car trip, but of course they wanted me in San Francisco yesterday. I just kept putting it off. Flying with me is no fun either. Usually I just shake and cry the whole way, or--oh shit, what was that?” I grabbed my seat handles, including Darren’s arm.  
“It’s just turbulence. Relax.” He reassured. I released my death grip on his arm as the plane stayed in the air. He looked at me. “You know, you look really familiar to me.”  
“Ha, isn’t that my line? Believe me, you don’t know me.” I said.  
The flight attendant came over to offer us drinks just then. Darren asked for a water.  
“I’d love a vodka, but with the drugs it would probably kill me, so I guess I’ll take a club soda.” I laughed. “Actually,” I told Darren, “I don’t drink. Well, I like a glass of wine now and then, but no hard liquor. Can’t stand the taste of the stuff.”  
He just nodded.  
I really needed to just keep my mouth shut. “I’m sorry, it’s the drugs. I won’t blame you if you want to change seats.”  
“What? No, this is actually very interesting,” he laughed.  
The flight attendant handed us our drinks, and pulled a book off of her cart. “Miss Lewis, I could get fired for asking you, but could you please sign this?”  
“THAT’S where I know you from,” Darren exclaimed as she handed me a copy of Ride. “You’re Jacinda Lewis, the writer.”  
I looked at him and held up the book. “Don’t even tell me you’ve read this.”  
Ride was a book about a teenage girl growing up past some hardships with her family and a social stigma in her high school. It didn’t seem like his kind of book.  
“My friend Leonie thinks you are the best writer out there.” He explained. “She’s always saying she wished someone had written that book when she was in high school.”  
I wrote a quick thanks to the flight attendant for all of her help, signed my name, and gave it back to her. I was very proud of Ride and couldn’t believe how far it had gotten me. I had gone on Oprah after it came out. It had been one of her book club picks, and she had asked me to be on her show with some depressed teenage girls. Apparently, I was the Ann Landers of high school age girls now.  
“Well, now you can tell her what a loony tunes I am,” I joked.  
“I don’t think you are a loony tunes....whatever that means,” Darren laughed, shaking his head.  
My stomach felt like it was twisting. One thing about these drugs, if you were on them and not asleep, they did crazy things to your body. I was feeling very nauseous right then.  
“I’m sorry, but can you excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.” I asked Darren, unbuckling my seat belt (like those are of any use in a crash....why bother).  
Darren stood up and moved into the aisle to let me out. I stood up and moved past him. When I stood, however, I felt remarkably light headed. I put my hand to my forehead and squinted my eyes as a wave of weakness passed over me. I shook it off, took a step, and fell right on the floor with a big thud.  
Darren bent over me. “Are you okay?”  
I sat up and rubbed the back of my head. “Yeah.....it’s these stupid drugs. I usually just sleep the whole flight.”  
He held out a hand to help me up. I grabbed it and pulled myself up, embarrassed. Suddenly we were face to face, very close. My breath caught in my throat as the moment stretched into a few too many seconds. I was very aware of him, and he still had my hand in his. I would swear I felt something electrical.  
I came back to my senses and let go of his hand and took a step back. I mumbled a “thanks” and hurried off to the bathroom, aware that Darren was still standing in the aisle watching me. He caught my eye for an instant before I shut the bathroom door.  
I leaned against the wall in the bathroom for a moment to catch my breath. I was pretty sure my accelerated heartbeat was not caused by the drugs or the little fall on the floor.  
I observed my reflection in the mirror. My already normally pale skin was even whiter, and my hair, dark in severe contrast, paled me further. My green eyes peered out beneath my dark brows I kept neatly shaped, but my favorite feature was my lips, nice and full, but not too full. I wasn’t ugly, but never would have considered myself in the same league as Darren Hayes. I knew the drugs were making me over confident, and I warned myself to knock it off. I pulled myself together and walked out of the bathroom, noticing that pretty much everyone in first class was looking at me. Everyone but Darren, who was looking down at something, probably reading. I silently cursed myself for falling and making a scene. I made my way back to my seat, saying “excuse me” to squeeze past Darren and fall into the nice plush seat I had previously occupied. Naturally, the plane hit some turbulence and I fell right on top of Darren.  
“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!” I exclaimed, embarrassed. I tried to get up, but the space was small, and I pushed my hand down on his lap while grappling for balance,.  
“Ow!” He shrieked, jumping in his seat. I practically crawled over him to get to my seat. I knew my face was bright red.  
“Sorry,” I mumbled. I felt my face grow hot.  
He looked at me, amused. “That's okay, as long as I can still father children.”  
I was absolutely mortified. I slunk down in my seat.  
He leaned across me and looked me in the eye. “I was just kidding.”  
I muttered something about being sorry again. I couldn’t believe what a moron I was turning out to be. I leaned back and closed my eyes, hoping the drugs would take over and I could sleep the rest of the way to San Francisco, therefore preventing me from making an even bigger fool of myself.  
I hear Darren laugh at something beside me. A minute later he llaughed again, a little louder. I opened my eyes and looked at him.  
“Oh, sorry. Were you trying to sleep?” He motioned to the magazine he was reading. “This is really funny. I couldn’t help it.” He made his smile disappear. “I promise to be quiet the rest of the flight,” he said solemnly.  
I smiled. “That’s okay.”  
“Hey, are you okay now? You hit your head kind of hard before.” Darren look concerned.  
I winced. “Don’t remind me. Its not a lot of fun making an idiot of yourself in front of a plane full of people. Besides, I should be asking if you are okay. I’m really sorry. I’ve never been so embarrassed before.”  
“Hey, I've done silly things before in front of people. It’s better to have them laugh at you than.....uh....well, I don’t know what.” Darren trailed off.  
“Hey,” I wondered. “Why aren’t you traveling with a bunch of people? Why is it just you? Don’t you have assistants or agents or stylists or something? You’re pretty big right now....a body guard?”  
Darren made a muscle with his biceps. “I can take care of myself,” he laughed. “Actually, I was in Europe doing promotions for my new album. Everyone else flew straight back to San Francisco, but I had to stop in New York for some business, so I just caught a flight from there. It was actually nice to be by myself for a while. It gets pretty crazy sometimes.”  
“I bet,” I nodded, thinking of my own life.  
“So you know who I am then? You never said,” he remarked.  
“Yeah, I’m actually a big fan. I didn’t say cuz I thought I was hallucinating at first,” I laughed. “I’m not the sort to jump all over someone I don’t know just because I know who they are.” Of course, I had just jumped all over him....but that was an accident.  
“Well, that's good though. It’s amazing how many people do,” Darren shook his head. “How long are you going to be in San Francisco, Jacinda?”  
“Jacey. And a week or two, I guess. I have to meet with my publisher, than I am giving this talk at U of C, San Fran. I plan on taking my laptop and just finding a place to sit and write. There is no better inspiration that being away from home.” I explained.  
“Yeah, and San Francisco is beautiful. Have you ever been?” Darren asked.  
“Ha! Willingly fly across the country without being made too? Nope.” I laughed, only I was actually serious. I had only flown two other times in my life, forced by my parents when I was younger.  
“C’mon, this flight has been fun, hasn’t it? At least for me it has been.” He admitted. I didn’t say anything. Did he mean fun as in funny, with me being a moron, or fun, because he liked talking to me?  
“So,” Darren continued, “do you live in New York City then?”  
“Yes. I love it there. I love big cities, but New York is different. Its not a city, its an atmosphere, an attitude....definitely a different way of life. I think I forget sometimes that life exists outside of New York.” I said with emotion.  
Darren nodded. “I used to live there actually.”  
I yawned. “Sorry...I’m not bored with what you are saying.....I can’t help it.”  
“I know.” Darren held up a hand. “It’s the drugs. What exactly are you on, anyway?”  
“You know, I’m really not sure. I know one of the pills was Valium.” I shrugged. “I just take what my doctor gives me.”  
“Oh. Okay. Well, I’ll let you sleep it off then.” Darren went back to his magazine. I leaned my head back against the seat, surprised at my disappointment.  
I drifted off to sleep again. I started dreaming of purple swirls and airplanes flying around in it. Then my sister Angela was flying one of the planes and telling me I was going to be late.  
“No! No I won’t!” I told her. Her plane started flying in a downward spiral. I was on the ground. “Angela! Jump! Its going down!” I yelled. “No......Angela....get out! Noooo...”  
“Jacey?” I felt someone shaking my arm. “Jacey, wake up!”  
I opened my eyes. “It’s going down.”  
I was looking straight at Darren, whose hand was around my arm. I suddenly remembered where I was and felt my cheeks grow hot.  
“Yeah, we are.” Darren said. I felt my heartbeat quicken before he explained, “We are landing.”  
I breathed out with relief. “Sorry, I was having this dream....”  
The flight attendant came around then to tell us to put out seats upright and fasten our seat belts.  
I looked out the window and gasped. “Oh my gosh, are we landing on the water?” The water was right below us, so close. I swallowed the lump of fear forming in my throat as Darren laughed.  
“No,” he assured me. “The airport is right in front of us. Just past the water.”  
“Oh.” I felt like an idiot. Landing on the water, what was I thinking?  
I held my breath as the plane descended and the wheels met with the runway smoothly.  
After the plane had come to a complete stop, Darren stood and collected his bag from the overhead bin.  
“Where’s yours?” He asked. “I wouldn’t want you to drop it on your head or something.”  
“Ha ha,” I said sarcastically. I stood up, thankful that the drugs seems to have worn off most of the way. Darren raised an eyebrow and gave me a sideways glance as I grabbed my carry-on bag from the bin myself. I didn’t need any help.  
I started towards the exit, but felt a hand on my arm.  
“Hey,” Darren stopped me. I hesitated, my pulse accelerating. My hopes crashed fast when he continued, “Is there any way I can get an autograph for my friend Leo?”  
“Ah, yeah. Um, I have an extra copy of my book in my carry-on....you can have that.” I fished it out of my bag and wrote a quick note of thanks with my name. I handed it to Darren. He grabbed it and our hands touched for a minute. He looked at me. I finally let go of the book. I went into my bag again and pulled out my copy of the Insatiable single. “Could you?” I handed it to him.  
“Sure.” he grabbed it and scribbled something across the cover.  
“Thanks,” I said as I put the cd away without looking at it.  
We started towards the door with Darren moving aside to let me out first. I seemed to be walking normally now, but I still managed to trip over a metal strip on the floor on the way out.  
Darren grabbed my arm. He’d done that a lot in the last few minutes. I knew it was probably concern, but my imagination let me fantasize that he wanted to touch me. Ooh, I think I was starting to crush on him. Bad Jacey.  
“Are you all right?” He asked, bringing me back to reality. If I faked passing out, maybe he’d carry me in his arms to the baggage claim.  
I sighed. “Yep, I’m fine. I’m a klutz even when I’m not medicated.”  
We made our way to the baggage claim. I looked at him strangely. “Don’t you have someone to grab your bags?”  
“I told you, I made this flight by myself,” he offered as an explanation.  
“Yeah, but still.....it seems like you would have the airline do something so you don’t have to get mobbed by walking out here.” I shrugged.  
I must have been psychic, I thought as I got knocked into by someone. “Oh my God! It’s Darren Hayes!”  
A mob of girls surrounded him. I got shoved back. He searched over their heads for me and caught my eye. I waved and headed for the rotating baggage claim.  
It struck me then how tiring a lifestyle that must be. I was asked for autographs occasionally, but being a writer my face was not as recognizable. Actually, a lot of people looked at me because they knew me from somewhere, they just weren’t sure where. I didn't look as good in real life as I did in the photo on the book jacket. They really used some photoshop on that one. I couldn’t imagine getting mobbed like that. It was a sobering feeling knowing that my carefree lifestyle would be close to impossible.  
I watched the turn style move around with luggage from my flight on it. Naturally my suitcase was not on the first round of baggage.  
“Hey,” Darren came up behind me. His fan club was behind him, but staying back. I was impressed by their politeness, giving him space. “Did you find your bag?”  
“Not yet.” I tapped my foot impatiently. With my luck, the airline would lose my luggage or something. Just as that thought crossed my mind, my large black suitcase came out. “There it is.” I pointed at it.  
Just as I stepped forward to grab it, Darren reached over me and grabbed it. My suit case fell right onto the floor, and as luck would have it, popped open. Thank God my underwear was zipped in the side pocket. But of course my bra and box of tampons fell out.  
“Oh great,” I muttered. I bent down hastily to retrieve my belongings. There wasn’t even any point in getting embarrassed anymore. I just glanced at Darren , who was pretending not to notice.  
He looked over at me and smiled. “All set?”  
I chuckled and nodded. He had to think I was an idiot. I was beginning to think I was an idiot.  
“Let’s go. Where are you staying? I’ll have my driver drop you off,” he offered.  
“Oh no, I can just get a cab. But thanks for the offer.” I said, shaking my head.  
“Nope, I insist on it. I know this city, you don’t.” He stood waiting for my answer.  
“Well........okay. But don’t you have to get your suitcase?” I asked, looking back at the luggage circling behind me.  
He grinned. “Airline delivers it to my house. It will probably beat me there.”  
I just looked at him. “What?”  
“Yeah, they are pretty fast-”  
“No.” I interrupted. “ I mean, you went through all the trouble of risking walking through a busy airport...getting mobbed while you were at it....what for?”  
“I just wanted to make sure you got your luggage okay. Being on drugs and all,” he laughed.  
“You didn’t have to do that.” I said.  
He looked at me with serious eyes. “I know.”  
I felt uncomfortable for a minute. “Uh, well, thank you.”  
He smiled. “No problem. My car should be right outside.”  
I put my hand up. “I can get a cab! Really.”  
Darren made a sad puppy dog face. He was so cute. “Pleeeeaaasse?”  
I laughed. “Oh man. Okay, I’m at the Four Seasons in Union Square.”  
“Oh, fancy.” Darren joked. He motioned to a nice black Lincoln Towne Car just outside the sliding doors of the airport. “There’s my driver.”  
He grabbed my elbow and steered me toward the car. I liked when he touched me. It zapped me. I wonder if he felt it too.  
We didn’t really talk much on the ride to my hotel. Darren pointed out a few different things along the way.  
He insisted on carrying my suitcase to my hotel room. I let him, thinking I wanted him to be in my hotel room anyway.  
My room was huge. It had a sitting room, a separate bedroom and bathroom, and French doors leading out to a balcony with an excellent view of the bay with the Golden Gate Bridge to the left and the Oakland Bay Bridge to the right.  
Looking around at the spacious, comfortable room, I realized how exhausted I was. The flight and the drugs had really worn me out.  
Darren set my suitcase down inside the door as I threw my carry on on the couch. I plopped down next to it. The gray couch was very soft and I leaned my head back and sighed. “This is nice.”  
Darren shut the door to my room and stood there uncertainly. “So......I guess you’re pretty tired.”  
I stood up. “Actually, I am. I think I’m just going to lay down for a quick nap. Then I might grab something to eat. Where do you recommend eating?” I asked. Was that an invitation? Was I flirting? No, I reassured myself. He lives here, he would know where a good place to eat at was.  
“Do you like seafood?” Darren asked. After I nodded, he continued, “Fisherman’s Wharf down by the water has tons of great places, but it's a major tourist trap. I think it's worth the risk though.”  
“Maybe I’ll check that out,” I said.  
He stood there silently. I jumped up from the couch.  
“I have to check out this balcony,” I exclaimed as I threw open the French doors and stepped into the cool San Francisco air. “I thought California was warm.”  
Darren came out onto the balcony with me. “In the south. San Francisco has its own climate. About sixty, seventy degrees year round.”  
I leaned on the balcony railing. “Well, that’s okay. It’s snowing at home right now. Wow, it’s really weird to think I’m at the opposite side of the country than where I live. I’ve never really been outside of New York. Well, before I published my first book, I lived in Kentucky with my family, but I moved to New York with my sister after Ride came out, and haven’t left since.”  
Darren leaned on the rail next to me. “You live with your sister?”  
“Well,” I answered, “not anymore. She lives on her own. But we lived together for a couple of years.”  
I walked back inside, and started looking through the dresser drawers. It was a habit I had when I was in new hotel rooms.  
Darren looked at me quizzically. “What are you looking for?”  
I shrugged. “Nothing. I don’t know.”  
I pulled open a closet door and gasped as a big ironing board fell out on my head. I let out a string of obscenities strung with venom. How many times could I get hit in the head in one day?  
Darren was laughing at me. It wasn’t the first time for that today.  
“Yeah, that's really funny,” I said sarcastically, picking up the ironing board and propping it inside the closet. “I need to eat.”  
“I thought you were going to sleep?” Darren folded his arms across his chest and raised an eyebrow.  
“That was before I got smacked in the face by a ironing board. Now I’m wide awake, and hungry. Point me in the direction of the seafood places, and I’ll be out of your hair,” I said. I really needed to use the bathroom first, but I didn’t want to with Darren in my room. With my luck, the toilet would blow up.  
“Wait.....I can take you there if you want.” Darren offered.  
Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrow. “Don’t you have someplace you need to be or something?”  
Darren looked taken aback. “Well....no, not really.”  
I pulled on my long black coat. “I want to ride a cable car.”  
“We can take a cable car.” Darren said.  
“Oh yeah, that will go over really well. You must not get Entertainment Weekly. Your face was all over it last week. That will make for a really peaceful ride.” I rolled my eyes.  
Darren made a face at me. “You were more fun when you were drugged.”  
“Okay, fine. You want to chance it, let’s go,” I said. I rummaged through my carry on bag for my purse. Grabbing my room key card off the dresser, I walked past Darren into the hallway.  
We caught the cable car not too far from the hotel. I decided I wanted to stand and hold on to the rail while Darren sat next to where I was standing.  
The cable car was faster than I thought it would be, and I had to hold on tight. A couple of girls asked Darren for an autograph and took pictures of him. I just concentrated on holding on. The way my day was going I would be damn lucky if I stayed on. I could just picture me falling off, then getting run over by the cable car.  
We jerked to a stop at the end of the rail line. I could see a large lit up brick building, with a sign saying ‘Ghirardelli Square’.  
“Hey, is that like the chocolate?” I asked Darren.  
“Exactly like. We can hit that after dinner.” He said, heading away from the building. When I didn’t follow immediately he reached back and grabbed my hand. “C’mon.”  
I followed, not letting go of his hand. I kind of liked it. San Francisco was fun so far.  
“So what did you think of the cable car?” Darren asked me, still holding onto my hand.  
“It was neat! I’m just glad I didn’t fall off,” I laughed.  
“Yeah, I thought that might happen,” he joked. Actually, he probably wasn’t joking. Oh well.  
Fisherman’s Wharf was a collection of restaurants and shops right along the water. The smell of seafood permeated the air as we drew closer. It took us forever to get to the restaurant because I ducked into every shop on the way, buying seashell jewelry, sweatshirts and postcards that I didn't need.  
The restaurant we ate at was very nice, and extremely expensive. I wondered if all the restaurants in San Francisco were high priced, or if Darren had picked someplace expensive. Of course, he didn’t have to watch his money. I didn’t really either, but I had never really gotten used to having money.  
After a nice (and uneventful, thank goodness) dinner, we headed over to Ghirardelli Square. Darren never grabbed my hand again, and I was pretty disappointed. I wasn’t sure why; there was no way I was going to pursue a relationship with someone who lived over 3000 miles away from me. But hey, I had a couple of weeks......  
We ate hot fudge sundaes and grabbed tons of chocolate squares to take home.  
It was growing dark outside, and the sight of the bridges all lit up was amazing.  
I took a deep breath as I let the beauty of the place sink into me. I smiled to myself. My first night in San Francisco was already turning out to be amazing.  
“What are you smiling about?” Darren interrupted my thoughts.  
“Oh, nothing. I’m just daydreaming about things. Getting inspired for my next book.” I replied. It was certainly easy in this beautiful city, I thought. And with my present beautiful company. I snuck a sideways glance at Darren. He was very attractive. He had recently cut his long blond hair, and I definitely liked the short version better, but he was attractive before anyways. The best thing was that he didn’t seems to know that he was attractive.  
We were sitting together at a table inside Ghirardelli Square, just relaxing after all the food we had eaten.  
Without taking his eyes off of whatever he was looking at, Darren asked me, “So how come you are staring at me?”  
“What?” Caught. Darn it all. “Um....you have chocolate on your face?” It was more of a question.  
Darren looked at me. “I don’t think so, but, um, you do.”  
Naturally, I thought. Feeling around my mouth I asked, “Where?”  
Darren reached over and touched my cheek. “There.”  
I stared at him, holding my breath, unable to comprehend the whole amazing scenario before me. He was looking in my eyes, then down at my lips. Was he going to kiss me? Just as I was about to pass out from not breathing, a phone rang and interrupted whatever might have been.  
I jumped. Flushed, I fished around in my purse before I realized it was Darren’s phone ringing, not mine.  
“Hello?” He picked up his cell, looking at me apologetically. “What? No, I’m in San Francisco right now. Fine, I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”  
I felt my heart sink. Our night was about to end. Not that I expected it to go on forever, but I was just starting to think something might happen.  
He continued, “Well, that's the best I can do. You know what, maybe I’ll just let you sit out there all night!” He hung up on the person.  
“Sorry,” he apologized to me.  
I stood up. “Hey, if you have to go, you have to go. I can get back to my hotel by myself. Thanks for showing me around tonight.”  
“Wait! I just have to run home and let my roommate’s cousin in. She locked herself out of the house. Why don’t you come with me?” Darren asked.  
“Oh. Well....are you sure? You just met me; I could be some deranged psycho fan or something, and you want to show me where you live?” I thought maybe I shouldn’t try so hard to talk him out of it.  
He laughed. “Well, I guess it’s a little late to worry about that now that I’ve spent the whole day with you.”  
“You had to...your seat was next to mine on the plane.” I retorted.  
Darren rolled his eyes. “C’mon, let’s get a cab. I need to get home before Quinn calls me back. That's my roommates cousin. And if she’s a bitch to you, I apologize in advance. She’s a pain. Even Leonie -that’s my roommate-even Leonie doesn’t like her very much. She’s staying with us while she’s here because Leonie would feel bad about kicking her out. Fortunately, I’ve been out of the country most of the time she’s been here.”  
“How long is she staying?” I asked.  
“Let’s see....she showed up two months ago for a weeks vacation. I don’t know. She’s a pain in the ass. I wish she would go home.” Darren sighed.  
I laughed. “C’mon....how bad can she be?”

******************************************************************

“It took you long enough!” The girl I guessed was Quinn was yelling before we even got out of the cab. She had been sitting in front of the twin black metal gates guarding the property from the road.  
Darren ignored the girl and punched a code into a little metal box.  
She turned her attention to me. “Who the hell are you?”  
Okay, now, I am not usually rude to strangers, but that pissed me off.  
“None of your damned business,” I replied with a smile.  
She made a face at me. If she hadn’t been acting so horrible, she might have been pretty. She had long dark hair and that too thin figure that made me want to shove some greasy french fries down her throat. Her face was very pretty, made ugly only by the expression she wore on it.  
“Let’s go,” Darren growled. I started to follow him through the gate but Quinn cut me off and marched in first.  
Darren turned and looked at me as I made a choking motion with my hands behind Quinn’s back. He tried to hold back a smile and shook his head.  
Darren’s house was beautiful, and not what I had expected. It could have been anyone’s house. It didn’t look like the type to belong to a pop star. It was a normal sized two story. The entryway had beautiful hardwood floors and I could see a large, modern kitchen off to the left. The living room was to the right, and where Darren headed.  
“Leo!” He called. He looked at me. “I want Leonie to meet you. She’s a big fan of yours.”  
Quinn looked me up and down. “Why, what do you do?” She asked.  
“I write,” I answered, staring her down.  
“What have you written?” She demanded.  
“Nothing you’ve ever read,” I replied.  
She folded her arms across her chest defiantly. “Darren, I don’t like her.”  
I laughed in her face. “Big deal. I’m not exactly a member of your fan club either.”  
Darren watched the exchange with amusement. “Quinn, where’s Leo?”  
She looked at him like he was an idiot. “Now, if she were here I wouldn’t have had to call you to let me in, now would I?”  
“I don’t know....she might have locked you out on purpose,” Darren sneered. “Besides, she must have been here to answer the door when my luggage arrived.” He motioned to the two suitcases sitting next to the bottom of the stairwell.  
“Well, I don’t know.” Quinn said with a huff. Without another word, she turned and headed up the stairs.  
“That was pleasant,” I remarked. “And hey, your luggage really DID beat you here!”  
“I told you!” Darren looked up from dialing the phone. “Sorry about her. I don’t know why she’s like that.”  
“Oh well. It’s no big deal.” I replied, wandering around the living room picking up little knick knacks and looking at them.  
“Well, Leo’s not answering her cell......that's really weird. She knew I was coming home today. I wonder where she went.” Darren looked concerned.  
“Maybe she just ran out to the store and forgot to turn her phone on,” I suggested.  
“Maybe. I don’t know.” Darren said. “Well, anyway, welcome to my lovely home in Sausalito. Do you want something to drink?”  
“No, I’m fine. I’m still stuffed from all the chocolate we ate,” I laughed.  
“Well, do you want to watch a movie or something? I have a ton.” Darren pulled open a wooden cabinet to reveal insides lines with what must have been more than 200 DVD’s.  
“Wow! Okay....you pick.” I said.  
He closed his eyes, reached out and grabbed one. “Sliding Doors. Have you seen it?”  
“Nope.”  
We sat on the couch next to each other to watch the movie. It was hard to concentrate on the picture with Darren sitting right next to me. His leg touching my leg. He had nice legs under his pants. My eyes slid up to his forearms. Nice forearms, I thought. Nice biceps, nice shoulders, nice chest, nice lips.....  
Now that we were sitting down, jet lag was starting to kick in. I began to fall asleep. The movie was turning into background noise. I started to doze off. I relaxed.  
“Ouch!” I slid off the couch onto the floor. Idiot.  
Darren erupted into laughter as I pulled myself back onto the couch.  
“Yeah, real funny,” I grumbled.  
We sat silently for a minute as I tried to concentrate on the movie. I could tell Darren was looking at me still. Then he started laughing again.  
I reached over and smacked him in the arm. “It’s not funny!”  
“Hey!” he exclaimed. “Don’t hit me!” He smacked me in my arm lightly.  
I punched him in the leg. He tapped under my chin. I bopped him on top of his head.  
“Quit it! You keep getting the last hit!” He cried. He grabbed my side.  
“Ow!” I yelled, breaking into laughter. I poked him in the ribs and fell off of the couch again.  
“Ha ha!” Darren screamed with laughter at me.  
I grabbed his leg and arm and pulled him off of the couch. He nearly landed on top of me. “Ha!” I yelled. “Now who’s laughing.”  
Darren was sitting next to me with his arm across me, balancing him on the floor. He looked into my eyes. I grew silent, the laugh fading from my lips.  
My breath caught in my throat as he leaned towards me. My gaze never left his eyes. His lips parted, and I closed my eyes.  
Suddenly a loud crash upstairs made me jump.  
“What was that?” Darren jumped up. I stood up and followed as Darren raced up the stairs, pursuing the noise. He began to look through different doorways. In the room at the end of the hallway he stopped.  
Quinn came out of one of the rooms rubbing her eyes sleepily. “What was that?”  
Darren flipped on a light and disappeared into the bedroom. I stepped into the doorway to see him bent over on the floor.  
“What is it?” I asked.  
He stood up and turned around to face me, holding a brick in his hand.  
“Oh my God!” Quinn exclaimed. “How did someone get in the yard to do that?”  
My eyes narrowed in suspicion.  
“I don’t know,” Darren said, looking out the broken window.  
“Do you think it has something to do with Leonie not being home yet?” Quinn asked.  
“Is this her room?” I asked.  
Darren nodded grimly.  
I walked over to the window and scanned the yard. I didn’t see anything in the spacious moonlit backyard.  
“I’m going to go downstairs; make sure the doors are locked and call the police. You two stay up here,” Darren ordered as he left the room.  
As soon as he left, I turned to Quinn. “Do you think I’m stupid?”  
“What?” She played dumb.  
“You better just hope I don’t tell Darren that you are behind this. Although you really deserve to be kicked out on your ass!” I hissed in her face.  
“Really, Jacey, I do not know what you are talking about,” Quinn whined. Apparently she had taken it upon herself to find out who I was, since I hadn’t told her my name.  
“Look, I know you did this. I don’t know why, I don’t know what’s going on with you, your cousin, and Darren. I don’t even know any of you. But I know that whatever it is, it’s illegal to go throwing bricks through windows.” I growled.  
“What on earth makes you think I had anything to do with this?” Quinn asked innocently.  
“Look around the carpet. There’s no glass. The window was broken from the inside.” I pointed at the clean floor.  
A look of fear passed over Quinn’s face. “What? Then someone is in the house!”  
“Oh come off it!” I rolled my eyes.. I wanted to throttle her.  
“I didn’t do this!” She insisted.  
Darren came back up the stairs. “The house is locked up and the police are on their way.”  
The three of us stood uncertainly in the middle of Leonie’s bedroom. The buzzer sounded downstairs, announcing the arrival of the police.  
They questioned all of us separately. A thorough search of the house and grounds was expedited. By the time they left it was nearly three in the morning and I was exhausted. Quinn had returned to bed, locking her bedroom door behind her. I yawned, the long day catching up with me.  
“Darren, I need to go. I have a meeting tomorrow.....er today, in a few hours.” I told him.  
“I’ll drive you,” he said. I could tell he was distracted.  
“I can just call a cab. You can go to bed.” I told him.  
“No! I can’t sleep right now anyway.” Darren rubbed his forehead.  
“Okay....if you’re sure.” I didn’t want to put him out. It was late.  
Darren’s house in Sausalito was about a half hour drive from my hotel in San Francisco; just across the Golden Gate Bridge. Darren was quiet for the first ten minutes. Then he spoke.  
“The police think whoever threw the brick was inside the house.” He stated. I didn’t say anything. He looked over at me. “You don’t seem surprised.”  
“I’m not.” I said simply. “I already knew that.”  
“You did? How?” He asked.  
I explained to him about the glass. He just looked at me in amazement.  
“It’s not that great,” I told him. “I write suspense novels....I’m supposed to know this kind of thing.”  
“That book you gave me wasn’t suspense,” Darren remarked.  
“Well, no....not that one. But my next one was, and the one coming out next month is. That doesn’t even matter!” I couldn’t believe we were discussing the type of books I wrote when someone had just committed an act of violence in the his house. Unless.....  
“You don’t think I had something to do with it, do you?” I asked incredulously.  
“No! But Quinn.....” he trailed off.  
“You know, that’s what I thought at first too, but she seemed genuinely surprised when I told her that the window was smashed from the inside. She was scared.....at the time I thought it was because she had been caught.....but I don’t know.” I wondered aloud. “Maybe she really thought someone else was inside!”  
Darren pondered this for a minute. “Maybe....but I don’t know. I just don’t trust her. That’s bad to say; she’s my best friend’s relative. But even Leonie doesn’t trust her. Which is a whole other thing. Where is Leonie? The police told me if she doesn’t show up in 24 hours to go down to the station and file a report, but they didn’t seem to take it seriously.”  
“Well, think about how many people just leave someone because they just want to get away. And the fact that you haven’t been in the country in how long? They just don’t want to make the mistake of pinning her as a missing person when she might have just ran off for the weekend or something. It happens all the time,” I told him.  
Darren looked at me before he sharply spoke. “Leonie did not just go off for the weekend without telling someone.”  
I put my hand up to defend myself. “Wait a minute. I’m not saying she did. I’m just telling you why they didn’t seem to be taking you seriously.”  
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I’m just worried about her.” He said apologetically.  
“You two must be close,” I said. I was being genuine, but I think I was also fishing for information. A female roommate? I wanted to know the whole story. Of course, if she was really missing, now was not the best time to be trying to find out what they were doing with each other.  
“Yeah, Leonie and I have known each other for a long time. She helped me out through my divorce, and a lot of other things. I don’t know what I would do without her.” Darren explained.  
“You’re divorced?” I commented. Yeah Jacey, that’s a great thing to talk about. His divorce.  
“Yeah.....” He trailed off. I didn’t reply. Better to let that one drop.  
We arrived at my hotel then. Darren insisted on walking me up to my room. Once I was inside, I stood there with the door open, not sure what to say. I was absolutely exhausted, but I still didn’t want the night to end. The day had been so unreal that I was afraid if I slept, I would wake to find myself alone in my bed back in New York, having had this day been a total hallucination. Or maybe back on the plane, seated next to a seventy year old lady who only wanted to talk about her grandchildren and bingo.  
But in the end, sleep won the battle as I yawned right in Darren’s face.  
I blushed. “Sorry, I’m just so tired. Thank you for such a wonderful day. I had a lot of fun. I hope you get home and your friend is back.”  
“Thanks,” Darren said. “I’ll give you a call.”  
I wasn’t going to hold my breath for that one. He was a famous pop star, I was just a plain, boring girl trying to liven up my life by moving to the Big Apple, but not being able to lose my Kentucky accent. I knew when to embrace a fantasy and let it live in my mind, knowing that was the only place it could really exist.  
“Good night Darren,” I told him, with a wistful smile. If only life were easier and I could believe in fairy tales. I think I actually sighed out loud.  
Darren backed away from my door with a little smile. “See you later Jacey.” He gave a little wave, and turned and walked to the elevator.  
I stood in the doorway watching him go. He stopped walking halfway there and turned around. He came back. The elevator door dinged.  
He stopped in front of me. He hesitated, then surprised me with a quick kiss on my lips. It grew more insistent, and I felt my lips part. He pulled away just when I was about to drag him in my room and throw him down on my bed. “See ya.” He grinned and ran to catch the elevator. He barely made it before the doors closed.  
I stood in my doorway for a minute, stunned. I touched a finger to my lips, and smiled. I shook my head, and went into my room. I knew I would have pleasant dreams tonight.  
*****************************************************************

I awoke a few hours later and dragged myself out of bed. I made some coffee with the little coffee machine in my room, and pulled the curtains back to reveal sunlight. It was a beautiful day already at six-thirty. I stretched and tried to wake myself up with a hot shower.  
I had to meet with my publisher at eight, and I wanted to make a good impression. Unfortunately a glance in the mirror told me my late night was going to be evident to whoever I crossed that day. My eyes looked swollen and had dark circles under them, and I had those “pillow wrinkles” on my left cheek. I made a kiss face at myself and laughed. Wonderful.  
I selected a bright red knee length skirt and matching blazer, and pulled my hair into a french twist. A little lipstick and mascara and I was ready to go.  
I locked up my room and caught the elevator. A short girl with blond hair was the solitary passenger. She smiled and said hello.  
I realized as I was walking out of the hotel that I had never called my sister to let her know I had arrived safely. Just as I pulled out my phone to call, it rang in my hand, surprising me.  
“Hello?”  
“Hi Jacey,” It was my agent, Natalie Manning. Natalie and I were in constant contact, and had developed a friendship as well as a wonderful working relationship.  
“Hey Nat! Don’t worry, I’m on my way to the meeting right now.” I assured her.  
“I gather you are having fun already in San Fran,” She stated.  
“Well, I haven’t done anything yet, I just got here last night,” I said.  
“You’ve done enough.” Natalie said laughing lightly. What??  
“Okay Nat, you’ve lost me.” I asaid.  
“Have you seen USA Today?” She asked me.  
“No...why?” I was scared to ask. Had the paper gotten wind of me being involved in a missing persons case? Or the vandalism? I really didn’t need that kind of publicity right now, with my book coming out in less than four weeks.  
“You’re in it. In the Life section....titled Comings and Goings.” Natalie told me.  
I glanced around for a newspaper stand. I didn’t see one. In New York you couldn’t walk more than a block without seeing a newsstand. I finally spotted a party store and ran inside.  
“Hello? Jacey? Are you there?” Natalie shouted into my ear.  
“Just a sec....” I grabbed the paper and pulled out the Life section. I didn’t have to look to far. The headline read “Pop star Hayes and Writer Lewis Out on the Town” and showed a huge picture of Darren leading me by the hand. It must have been taken right after we got off of the cable car.  
My eyes slid down to the small paragraph underneath the headline. “Pop star Darren Hayes was seen out and about with best selling author Jacinda Lewis in San Francisco. Hayes just returned to his San Francisco home from a whirlwind European trip promoting his latest single, the number one smash ‘Insatiable’. Lewis embarks on a 20 city book tour next month when her newest release ‘Sinister Motive’ hits the shelves. We will be seeing more of these two up and coming artists in the future; will we be seeing them together?”  
“Oh crap.” I said. Well, if my antics didn’t scare Darren off, this insinuating article would. Also, and this irritated me more than the invasion of privacy, that wasn't even the name of my new book.  
“So?” Natalie fished.  
“Oh my gosh, it’s nothing. He sat next to me on the plane. We went out for dinner. That's it.” I explained, piling the paper back on its shelf. The store owner looked at me angrily as it slid off the shelf with three other copies. “Oops.”  
“Well, anyway, it’s no big deal,” I went on, exiting the store. Hmmm. The girl walking behind me sure looked familiar. I thought I remembered seeing her in my hotel, actually.  
“No big deal? Hello? This could be so good for your career!” Natalie exclaimed. “He only has the number one song in the country right now. Hook your name up with his and your book will take off.”  
“Uh, I plan on having my book take off anyway,” I replied. “You know Natalie, I wouldn’t ‘hook up’ with someone just to benefit my image. I really resent that implication.”  
“Oh Jace, I know that. I’m just planting the suggestion that it wouldn’t hurt.” She said. “Anyway, have you met with Ryan yet?”  
Ryan Harmon was my personal contact at my publishing company.  
“No, not yet. I’m on my way right now. Look, I’ll call you later, Nat.” I hung up, furious. I thought she knew me better than that. The more I thought it about, the angrier I grew. At least it made me walk faster, I thought.  
I arrived at my publisher’s building just before eight o’clock. At least I was on time, I thought as I pushed through the revolving door. The receptionist directed me to an office on the third floor. Once the elevator doors opened, I stared right at the large metallic letters reading “Bantam Books” above a desk. A blond haired girl with dark framed glasses looked up at me.  
“Can I help you?” She asked.  
“Ryan Harmon please.” I told her. It was actually funny that Bantam Books was based in New York City, but the person I dealt with was out of San Francisco.  
“Do you have an appointment?” She asked. Her nameplate read ‘Liz’.  
“Yes. He’s expecting me. Jacinda Lewis.” I said.  
Her eyes lit up. “Oh! Miss Lewis! I’m a big fan. Just one second.” She pushed a button on her phone. “Mr. Harmon, Miss Lewis is here.”  
A deep male voice that I recognized from numerous long distance calls answered. “Please send her in, Liz.”  
She stood up and showed me in the door. “This way, Miss Lewis.”  
I smiled at her as I walked through the door. The office was very spacious and tastefully decorated. There was a large cherry desk in front of a large window, with a beautiful view of the city. The man behind the desk stood to greet me.  
“Hi, it’s nice to finally meet you, Miss Lewis,” Ryan Harmon greeted me.  
“Hi....” my salutation died in my throat. My publisher was gorgeous. My jaw must have dropped to my knees as I stared at him. He could have been Brad Pitt’s twin brother. I was supposed to concentrate on my work with him across a desk from me? Why were there so many good looking men in this city?  
I cleared my throat in a quick recovery. “Ah, how are you, Mr. Harmon. And it’s Jacey, please.” I shook his outstretched hand. I dropped into the chair across from him.  
We discussed business for a half hour, then he showed me around his office. The Bantam Books office took up the entire third floor of the building. I just kept checking out his ass when he walked in front of me.  
My meeting was over by nine thirty, and I left the building with a copy of my new contract and an offer of lunch from Ryan at eleven thirty. With two hours to kill, I made it back to my hotel, dropped off my contract, and did some shopping. I decided to stay in my business suit so I would be appropriately dressed for lunch, but my feet started to hurt from walking around in heels. I dropped down onto a bench and stretched out my legs.  
I glanced over at the bench next to mine and frowned. That girl from my hotel that had been walking behind me on the street earlier was sitting on the bench. San Francisco was a big city, what were the odds that I would keep running into this girl? And why did she look so familiar? I was now convinced that I had seen her somewhere before I had seen her in my hotel. She looked over at me, caught me watching her, and buried her head as she rummaged in a shopping bag for something. Her shoulder length blond hair fell forward and hid her face. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t the same girl.  
I stood up and started back towards my hotel. In the glass of one of the shops I could see the reflection of the girl following me again. I walked a little farther, stopped short, and turned around.  
“Can I help you with something?” I asked. I said it nicely because I didn’t want to assume that she was following me. If she was just window shopping, I was going to sound like an idiot accusing her of stalking me.  
The girl stopped short and looked surprised. “Uh....”  
Suddenly it dawned on my where I had seen her before. “You were one of the girls riding on the cable car last night with us.”  
She looked sheepish. “Yeah....I’m sorry. I uh, I just, it was just neat to be around someone famous.”  
She must have meant Darren. So why was she following me, and not him?  
She went on. “It was just so neat to sit next to both of you last night, and then I saw you today, and I know you are giving a talk at the University. I didn’t mean to bother you.”  
I felt bad. “Oh, well......what’s your name?”  
“Alicia.” She replied. She looked to be about 19 or so.  
“Alicia, it was really nice to meet you, and it wasn’t any bother.” I said.  
“Um,” she looked at me. “Are you Darren’s girlfriend?”  
“What? No. We’re friends.” I said. I only wished, I thought to myself.  
“Oh.” She stared up at me, wide eyed. Her actions made her seem younger. It made me slightly uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to react. She was in awe of me because I had been with Darren.  
“Do you go to the university?” I asked her.  
“Me? Yeah, I’m a sophomore there. I want to be a writer, like you.” She told me excitedly. “I’m going to your talk tomorrow afternoon.”  
“Oh. Well, maybe I’ll see you then.” I commented. “It was nice to meet you, but I have to get back to my hotel.”  
“Okay. Bye!” She waved as I walked away. I checked behind me a block later but I didn’t see her. I felt guilty for being relieved, and amazed that I was the person she was tailing.  
I dropped off my bags at the hotel and headed for the restaurant where I was meeting Ryan.  
I arrived there first and ordered a glass of iced tea. As I sipped the refreshing beverage, I looked around. The pictures on the wall were of various sights within San Francisco. It really was a beautiful city. I felt very inspired by it. I made a mental note to jot down my thoughts when I got back to my room. My journal went everywhere with me, and I consulted it frequently when I was writing my books.  
I was lost in thought when Ryan arrived. “Hey beautiful, waiting for me?” he joked as he pulled out his chair.  
Was he calling me beautiful? That made me laugh. I wondered if he knew just how gorgeous he was. He was definitely not my type. He was too perfect. I liked someone who had bad hair days, and took a bad picture once in a while. I was too nervous around Ryan.  
When I had been with Darren, I had been totally at ease. He was fun to be around. He even had laughed at himself when he accidentally dropped his roll on the floor at dinner. Ryan seemed like he would be mortified if someone accidentally used the salad fork for the main course.  
To give the guy some credit, he was extremely likable. He was very witty, and throughout our lunch he managed to keep the conversation going. I couldn’t tell if he was just being nice or flirting though. He kept reaching over and touching my hand. Because I literally worked for the guy, I didn’t want to make any assumptions. He also had a few too many beers for my liking.  
After lunch, Ryan insisted on walking me back to my hotel. He kept slinging his arm around my shoulders as we walked.  
“You know, Jacey, we’ve known each other for years now. I’ve really been looking forward to this meeting. I’ve always felt that we have had such a good rapport.” He said.  
I laughed nervously and stepped away so his arm fell back to his side. He put it around my waist and pulled me close to him. I cringed. How was I going to get out of this without insulting him? The fact that I had a nice six figure advance for my book was all due to Ryan Harmon.  
I tried to leave him in the hotel lobby, but I couldn’t keep him from following me into the elevator. As it floated upstairs, I fidgeted nervously. I was uneasy being alone with him. Maybe we had known each other for years, but it was a business relationship; and over the phone at that.  
The elevator opened on my floor. I stepped out into the empty corridor and gave Ryan a little wave. “Well, it was nice to finally meet you! Thanks for walking me back. I know you’ve got work to do, so I’ll let you go.”  
“Oh, c’mon Jacey. Aren’t you going to invite me in for a drink or something?” Ryan raised an eyebrow suggestively. He didn’t look so gorgeous to me now.  
“Uh, well, you know, I had a long day yesterday, and I am really tired. I have to get ready for my talk tomorrow at the college.” I pulled my key card out of my purse and stopped in front of my room.  
Suddenly, I felt Ryan’s hand running up my backside. I whirled around and shoved him in the chest- hard. “DO NOT touch me.” I said with a hard edge in my voice.  
He laughed and I felt my stomach flip. “Who is here to stop me?” He shoved me back against the wall and forced his lips on mine, and put his hand on my breast on top of my blazer. What the hell?  
I kneed him in the crotch as hard as I could. He yelled out and stepped back. I punched him in the nose with my right hand. He didn’t know whether to grab his crotch or his face. I was furious. I kicked him in the knee. “Get away from me. NOBODY touches me without my permission. Get away from me and don’t ever talk to me again.”  
He glared at me. “I can ruin you.”  
I laughed in his face, which now had a trickle of blood running down it. “Try it you sick bastard. Just try it.”  
I turned and unlocked my door. I walked in, and suddenly had the wind knocked out of me as Ryan grabbed me from behind, threw me in and slammed the door. Oh shit. I was in trouble now. Why had I turned my back on him? He grabbed me by my hair, which fell out of the up do I had styled this morning. God, how I wished I could get back to that moment when my biggest worry had been sleep marks on my cheek.  
He pulled me close to his face. I winced in pain.  
“Just who do you think you are, bitch!” He smacked me in the face. I cried out. That was going to leave a mark. I really wished I was back home at that moment, where I lived with my 110 pound German Shepherd Dog, Goliath. I knew I should have brought him with me.  
Ryan threw me back against the wall. I hit my head hard and slid down into a heap on the floor. The room spun around me. I reached up and grabbed the edge of the bookcase. I saw Ryan fumbling with his belt. Oh, there was no way I was going to let that happen to me.  
I pulled myself up as he came at me again. I mustered all my strength and gave him a quick karate chop to his Adam’s apple. He grabbed his throat. I knew that had to hurt. He reached out and grabbed my throat and began choking me. I pulled at his hands, desperately gasping for air as I felt the life drain out of me. Then I had an idea. I looked him in the eye, then rolled my eyes back in my head and went limp.  
After a few seconds, he loosened his grip. I lay motionless, trying to breathe very lightly. It was hard to do, since I just wanted to fill my lungs with the oxygen they had been deprived of. It’s amazing how you take the air for granted until it isn’t available to you.  
I could tell Ryan was moving. Out of the slits of my eyes I saw him bend toward me. At the moment he was staring at me, I opened my eyes and surprised him with a kick in his stomach. He was startled, and I used that opportunity to get up off of the floor. He grabbed for my jacket, but I moved out of the way. He was right there. The only place I had to escape to was the bathroom.  
I ran in and locked the door. Ryan pounded on it, shouting obscenities. I leaned against the door in relief. It was short lived however, when I realized I hadn’t escaped, only moved my torture to another room. I was actually trapped. My cell phone was in my purse, which was somewhere in the bedroom. I looked around, desperately searching for something to use as a weapon, but I was in a bathroom. A bar of soap was not going to save my life.  
I knew Ryan was just going to wait outside the room for me to come out. I had to do something. I looked thoughtfully at the hair dryer attached to the wall. An idea began to form in the back of my mind. I struggled to pull it together. My eyes fell upon the vanity. The hotel had supplied a little tray of shampoo, conditioner and hair spray. I picked up the hair spray. I smiled to myself, and wrestled the hair dryer off of the wall. Armed with the dryer and the hair spray, I unlocked the door and stood back.  
I heard Ryan laugh. “That’s a good girl. I knew you’d realize it’s in your best interest to just give up.”  
He turned the door knob. The door slowly opened, and I when I finally saw him, I pounced. I sprayed him in the eyes with the aerosol can of hair spray, while having the out of place thought ‘shame on the Four Seasons for using aerosol’.  
Ryan grabbed his eyes and yelled in pain. I swung the hair dryer and hit him in the temple as hard as I could.  
I ran out of the bathroom past him, and out of the hotel room. I raced to the stairs and flew through the door, down several flights of stairs. It seemed to take me forever to reach the lobby.  
I ran to the front desk, surprising the young man working there. “I need help,” I gasped, my voice coming out hoarse. I swallowed painfully, just now becoming aware of how badly my throat and neck hurt.  
“Someone attacked me......in my room........407...” I whispered, not being able to talk any louder.  
“Are you okay?” The man asked, concerned. He picked up the phone and dialed. “I’m calling the police...why don’t you come back here and have a seat?”  
I walked behind the desk and fell into a chair. I rubbed my throat. God, it hurt.  
The police arrived and ran up to my room while an officer took my statement. A paramedic took my vitals and tried to convince me to go to the hospital, which I refused. Naturally, my blood pressure was up, I tried to explain. I had just been attacked. In fact, I didn’t think one-forty over ninety-six was that bad, considering.  
I was signing a release form when I heard my name being called.  
“Jacey? Oh my gosh, what’s going on?” It was Darren, running into the lobby of my hotel.  
I smiled weakly. “What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice still a little rough.  
“I came to see you, I’ve been calling you all morning. What happened?” He asked.  
I explained briefly how my publisher had turned out to be psychotic. He looked astounded.  
“Wow....you are really lucky you weren’t killed. What a jerk.” Darren shook his head. “I wish I had come by earlier.”  
“I’m fine. I did all right,” I defended myself. Darren sat down next to me and put his hand on my back. I shrugged him away. I could take care of myself.  
He let his arm drop down and he looked at the floor. I felt bad then. He was just concerned. I sighed and stood up, feeling crowded.  
A female police officer came over. “We checked out your room; no one is there. We haven’t found anyone, but since you gave us a name and workplace, we should have him brought in shortly. We do need you to make sure nothing is missing from your room though, Miss Lewis.”  
“Okay,” I said, heading for the elevator. Darren caught up with me.  
“Want me to go with you?” He asked.  
“If you want.” I pushed the ‘up’ button on the elevator angrily.  
Darren looked at me, but didn’t say anything. When the door opened I walked on, leaving him behind. He hesitated, then followed me on the elevator. I punched the four, and folded my arms across my chest as the elevator moved upwards. I was filling up with rage inside. I couldn’t explain it. I knew it was from this experience, from not being in control of things. I couldn’t let myself get upset or break down and cry, so I got mad instead. It was easier for me. I never let anyone see me cry. I never cried.  
I thought about the last time I had been in that elevator, with Ryan. A shudder passed through me.  
“Are you cold? Do you feel all right?” Darren asked.  
“Look, I’m fine!” I snapped.  
He grew silent .  
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m just.....I’m a little stressed right now. And beat up. My face hurts.” I felt my cheek and winced. I knew I would have a black eye.  
“Look,” Darren said, “did I do something?”  
I hated myself right then. He was trying to be helpful, and I was biting his head off for it.  
I leaned back against the elevator wall and closed my eyes. “No. It’s not you.....it’s me.”  
“Say no more.” Darren held up a hand. “I’ve heard that line before.”  
I looked at him, confused. “What? No, it’s not a line. That’s not what I mean. Maybe....maybe this is a bad time. I’m sorry.”  
The elevator opened up onto my floor. I stepped out and walked in the direction of my room. The hallway was empty, a quiet reminder of the silence before my attack.  
I made my way to the doorway and sucked in my breath sharply as I surveyed the damage. Ryan had not come after me when I ran out because he had been trashing my room. Everything that could have been smashed, had been. The television set, the lamp, the mirror; all lay scattered in a million tiny shards around my room. My suitcase was thrown open on the floor. I felt sick to my stomach.  
I flew to the chest of drawers next to the bed in the bedroom and pulled it open. I had hidden my laptop in there, and I prayed I’d find it in one piece. I took my laptop everywhere with me. You never know where you will be when inspiration strikes.  
I breathed a sigh of relief when I found it hidden under hotel stationary, right where I had left it.  
Darren was standing in the doorway, looking around at the mess. My clothes were thrown all over the room. I’d only known Darren for two days and already he’d seen my suitcase dumped in front of him twice. It would have been funny, if the situation weren’t so serious.  
I started to pick up clothing items and hanging them up in the closet.  
Darren moved into the room. “How can I help?”  
I shrugged. “I don’t know. You don’t have to help me.”  
He reached down and handed me a sweater. My toothbrush fell out of it. I sighed. It was going to take a while to clean this up.  
“You don’t want to hang around cleaning this up. Why don’t you take off? This isn’t going to be any fun.” I said.  
“Well, what if I want to help clean up?” Darren asked.  
“I don’t need help.”  
“What if the guy comes back?” He asked.  
“He’s not going to come back.”  
“You don’t know that. He might. I shouldn’t leave you here alone.”  
“I can take care of myself. I don’t need a baby sitter. I don’t need a clean up person, and I certainly don’t need somebody hanging around feeling sorry for me.” I slammed my suitcase shut and threw it into the back of the closet.  
Darren glared at me. “If you want me to leave, just say so. Don’t play games with me.”  
“Fine, then leave.” I shouted. I didn’t need him anyway.  
He shook his head, turned around and left.  
I sat down on the bed as I heard my room door slam. I didn’t know why I’d said that. I had a big problem with people wanting to do things for me. I’d always been very self reliant.  
I decided to call my sister and let her know I was okay. I was supposed to have called her yesterday.  
Then I called Natalie on her cell and told her to get me a different contact at Bantam. She was shocked when I told her what had happened.  
“Are you all right, Jace?” She asked.  
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just do me a favor and get me someone in New York this time. I’m not doing any more traveling.” I said.  
“See Darren today?” Natalie inquired.  
“Nat, I’ve got more important things to worry about right now.” I told her.  
“So? Did you?” She persisted.  
“Briefly. He’s just a friend. Probably not even that anymore,” I said ruefully.  
“Why? What did you do?” Natalie asked.  
“Nothing. Its no big deal.” I said.  
“Look, Jace, don’t screw this up. This could really do wonders for your book release. It already got you in the paper. Even if they did mess up the name of your book.” Natalie laughed.  
“Who cares about that anyway? I’m not going to get involved with someone because it will make me look good. You know I’m not like that.” I said. She was starting to make me mad again.  
“I know, Jacey. I’m just saying that it won’t hurt. Neither will this little ordeal with Ryan Harmon. A thriller writer involved in a scandal like that.” She actually sounded excited.  
“Scandal? Hardly. And it wasn’t a ‘little ordeal’ either. I could have been killed. But I suppose that would have been even better publicity.” I said sarcastically.  
“Oh, come on Jacey. You are overreacting. As usual.” She blew me off.  
“Nat, if you weren’t my friend.......grrrr.” I made a little growling noise. “Why can’t I ever reach you at your office anyway? Don’t you actually work?”  
“That’s why I have a cell phone. I don’t have to spend all day inside the office.” Natalie said. “I can enjoy our beautiful city here. If I had my way, I’d never be in the office.”  
“Huh. Maybe you should just set up an office at home. Work out of your house. Well, hey, I’ve gotta run. I’ll talk to you later.” I hung up. I stood and walked out onto my balcony. I sighed as I took in the view of the bridges. Maybe I’d go visit Alcatraz, I thought. Try to make a little vacation out of this trip that was only increasing my stress levels. First I had to take care of the situation I had created with Darren though. I had been a jerk, and there was no reason for that.  
I discarded my wrinkled red business suit in favor of some jeans and a nice pale yellow mock turtleneck sweater. I washed my face and reapplied my makeup. Around my eye, my skin was turning a weird yellow color. I absently wondered how I was going to cover that up for my talk the next day at the college. By morning it would be black and blue. My hair was sticking out in weird angles, and I threw it into a ponytail to tame it. A quick glance in the mirror told me I looked acceptable, which was more than I could have hoped for under the circumstances. I grabbed my room key and left the hotel.  
I took a cab to Sausalito. I remembered how to get to Darren’s house easily. When the cab driver dropped me off, I noticed that the gates to his house were open. I walked up his front porch and rang the doorbell. I didn’t know what I was going to say.  
The door opened, and Darren looked surprised to see me there.  
“Oh, hey. What are you doing here?” He asked.  
I tried to read his face, but it remained blank. Not a good sign. I took a deep breath and just started talking.  
“I came to apologize to you. I was a jerk today, and there’s no excuse for that.” I said. The words just poured out of me. “I’m ashamed of the way I acted. I was being selfish and thinking only of myself, when you have a friend that’s missing and you still took time out to see me and be worried about me. I like to take care of things myself, and be in control of things. What happened to me today; I lost that control. I didn’t know how to handle that. Then you tried to help me, and by needing your help, that meant I wasn’t handling things myself. So I just lashed out at you.”  
Darren stood there listening with his arms folded across his chest. “Uh huh.”  
I went on. “I didn’t mean the things I said. I’m really sorry. I just wanted to tell you. I’m going to go now.” I trailed off.  
I took a step back, and turned to go.  
“Jacey?” Darren spoke up.  
I stopped mid step.  
“Do you want to come in?” He asked.  
I turned and looked at him.  
“There’s nothing wrong with needing help once in a while. It’s okay to need something, or someone else. It’s normal.” Darren grinned. “Besides, I won’t tell anyone.”  
“You aren’t mad at me?” I asked meekly. I would be totally pissed off if someone had turned on me like I had with him, especially if I had been trying to help.  
“No. I was at first, but since you came here, it’s hard to stay mad. And I understand what you mean.” Darren smiled.  
“Any word from your friend?” I asked.  
“No. I’ve been sitting by the phone, and carrying my cell with me every second, but nothing. Leonie’s boyfriend is here right now, actually. We thought we’d brainstorm and see if we could come up with a reasonable scenario for all of this.” Darren replied.  
“Oh.” I was secretly happy Leonie had a boyfriend.  
“So come in and stay awhile. Since you’re already here.” He laughed.  
“Just since I stopped by, huh?” I asked, smiling for the first time that day.  
“We’ll pretend that we didn’t already see each other today then.” He smiled back at me.  
“If it’s all right with you, I’ll just pretend this whole day never happened.” I groaned. I walked back up the porch steps and Darren held open the door for me.  
I followed him into the living room. A man was standing looking at something in front of the bookcase. He turned around as we came into the room.  
Darren started to introduce us. “Jacey, this is Leo’s boyfriend-”  
I cut him off. “Ryan!”  
My former publisher and attacker stood less than fifteen feet away from me. Darren looked from me to Ryan, and back to me.  
“Uh, you two know each other?” He asked.  
Ryan took a step toward me. “Jacey-”  
“Stay away from me, you sick bastard.” I yelled , stepping back.  
“Wait-” Darren broke in. “What is going on here?”  
I pointed at Ryan. “This is my publisher. Or former publisher. From this morning.”  
Ryan laughed. “Not former, hon. You are under contract.”  
“Then I guess you’ll have to sue me because I will never write a single word for you again.” I snarled.  
Darren looked at Ryan in disbelief. “This is your publisher? Ryan? You never told me a name, and I didn’t connect you at all. What the hell?”  
“She’s lying,” Ryan told him.  
“What? I cannot believe this. Are you an idiot? The police are looking for you! You trashed my room, gave me a black eye, and tried to kill me. Your prints are all over my room! How can you even suggest that I am lying!” I was starting to sound hysterical. The fury I felt earlier was starting to return. I turned to Darren, and a voice that didn’t sound like my own came out of me. “Call the police. Get this sorry excuse for a human being away from me.”  
Darren was already on his phone though.  
Ryan must have realized that Darren wasn’t going to believe him over me, and he turned and ran from the room.  
“He’s getting away!” I exclaimed. Darren hung up his phone.  
“The police will get him.” He said. I fell down onto the couch, my strength leaving me.  
I leaned back and closed my eyes. “Please let me wake up from this nightmare soon.”  
I felt Darren sit down beside me. I opened my eyes as Darren put his arm around my shoulders.  
“It’s okay. They’ll catch him. I don’t think he’ll come back here again.” Darren said.  
I sat straight up. “Do you think he has something to do with Leonie being gone?”  
“The police questioned him briefly, or so he told me. I gave them his name though, when they were here last night. I’m sure they will look closer at him now though.” Darren rubbed his chin. “I am really surprised. He just seemed so- I don’t know. Nice. Nice and quiet. He and Leo had been seeing each other for a few months. I can’t believe that’s the same guy who-”  
“Yeah,” I interrupted. I didn’t want to go through it all again. “I’ve known Ryan as a business contact for years actually. Today was the first time I met him face to face. I’ve already talked to my agent about getting a different publisher.”  
“Writers have agents too then, huh?” Darren asked.  
“Yes, of course. A literary agent.” I laughed bitterly. “A writer’s three best friends: her agent, her editor, and her publisher.” I shook my head sadly. “Unbelievable. I should have stayed in New York.”  
“I’m glad you didn’t.” Darren replied simply.  
I Ílooked at him. “Thanks. I haven’t even been nice to you though.”  
He grinned. “Oh, I’m just hanging around for all the excitement. Trouble seems to follow you. And so does the media.”  
I blushed. “Oh, you must have seen the article then. I had nothing to do with that!”  
Darren looked slightly uncomfortable.  
“What?” I asked nervously.  
“Well......there’s something you should know about that.” He stopped.  
“What?” I persisted.  
“I probably should have told you this right off.” Darren fidgeted in his seat. “When I was in New York, before the flight, before I met you.......I got a call on my cell phone. It wasn’t traceable; not by my phone anyway. Anyhow, someone- and I couldn’t tell if it was a man or a woman, someone told me that they had arranged for me to sit next to you on the flight.”  
I raised my eyebrow. “What?”  
He continued. “And then they offered to pay me a large amount of money to keep you company while you were in San Francisco. I guess they really wanted that picture.”  
I jumped up off the couch in horror. “WHAT?” I yelled in disbelief.  
I shook my head and laughed. “Oh, this is good. Really good. Someone PAID you to hang out with me? That’s nice, that’s just REALLY GREAT. Not only is my publisher trying to kill me, and the media plotting against me, but I’m not even interesting enough to MAKE MY OWN FRIENDS!”  
Darren jumped up and grabbed my shoulders, looking me in the eyes. “Jacey! Relax! I told them where they could stick it and hung up on them. I obviously don’t need anyone else’s money. But I admit, I was curious about you when you were on the plane. But then I just liked you, okay? I didn’t know how to tell you about the call without making it seem like that’s why I’ve been seeing you, but that’s not it. I LIKE YOU.” He finished. “A lot.”  
“You do?” I asked like an idiot.  
“Yes. Even without that phone call, I still would have wanted to see you again.” He said. His hands dropped from my shoulders back down to his side. With his touch gone, the electricity I felt down to my toes started to dissipate.  
He leaned towards me slowly and I closed my eyes, anticipating his kiss. Our lips melted together in a passionate kiss. The days horrible events melted away as the only thing I could think of was him. We sank onto the couch slowly. I don’t know if I leaned back or he pushed me forward, but he was on top of me. The electricity was back.  
Suddenly the phone rang. Darn it. We both jumped up. It was Darren’s cell, and the phone was closer to me. I grabbed for it. I fumbled as I handed it across to Darren, and we both heard a woman’s voice moan softly. “Darren!”  
“Leonie!” Darren gasped. He brought the phone up to his ear. “Leo? Leo, honey! Talk to me. Where are you? I’m going to find you.....just hold on. Leo!”  
He shook his head. “Damn it.”  
“What happened?” I asked.  
“Nothing. It was her though. She said my name twice, then screamed and the phone disconnected.” He look absolutely sick.  
I wasn’t sure what to say. “Could you hear anything in the background? Something to tell where she is?”  
He shook his head. “No. At least I know she’s alive still.”  
We sat silently together on the couch. I reached over and squeezed his hand.  
He smiled at me. “Thanks for staying, Jace. I’m really glad you came over tonight.”  
“Me too.” I grinned, my heart doing little flip flops in my chest. How silly. It was like my first crush in grade school.  
The front door slammed open then and we both jumped up. Quinn strode in and looked me up and down.  
“Oh, its you again,” she drawled. She blinked her eyelashes a few times at Darren as I rolled my eyes. “Daaaarrreeeennnnnn.” She moaned his name and leaned on him.  
He untangled himself from her. “What do you want, Quinn?”  
She giggled and looked over at me. She leaned up on the tips of her toes and whispered something in Darren’s ear that made him blush. He pushed her away and looked at me.  
“C’mon Jacey, let’s get out of here.” He grabbed my hand and dragged me out the door.  
When we were outside, I turned to him. “What was that about?”  
“Ah, I’m not even going to repeat what she suggested,” Darren said. He draped his arm around my shoulders. “Let’s go for a walk. I want to show you something.”  
The sun was setting now, casting a beautiful orange glow over Darren’s quiet neighborhood. We walked along quietly, with Darren keeping an arm around me. Generally, I hate that, but I sensed that maybe he was feeling protective at the moment. He couldn’t do anything for Leonie now, and he couldn’t do anything for me earlier so he was trying to make up for it now.  
We walked along until we reached water. Darren led me down a small pier jutting out into the bay.  
“Wow,” I gasped. We had a perfect view of the sunset. I could hear the water gently lap against the side of a small tugboat docked there. A metal tag hung off of the side of the boat and made a constant clanging noise as the wind moved it up and down.  
We sat on the edge of the pier with our legs dangling down, not reaching the water. Neither one of us spoke as the sun made its final descent of the day. Darkness enveloped us in a calm air.  
I sighed. “This is so beautiful. Peaceful. I don’t see a lot of this in New York.”  
“You could relocate,” Darren suggested.  
“No way! New York is my home! This is beautiful and all, but I’m an East Coast girl. There’s no match to the lights on Broadway.” I smiled, thinking of my home.  
Darren grew serious. “You would never live out here?”  
“I couldn’t give up my life in New York. I love the big city. I can walk around, and never have to talk to anyone. I can be me, and not have to explain myself. And in the same sense, every New Yorker is connected. We all know how it is. That probably doesn’t make much sense, but I can tell you that I finally found out who I was when I moved to New York.” I finished.  
“You could have that here.” Darren commented.  
I looked at him. “Are you asking me to move here? You just met me.”  
He stared in my eyes. “I’m not asking you. I would never ask you to change your life like that. It’s just a suggestion. Sometimes you just know when it’s right.”  
I looked up at the sky as a full moon lit up the pier. I really liked Darren, but I didn’t know him. Those feelings he was having, I was forcing myself not to have.  
“I---” I started, but he leaned forward and kissed me. Why did he have to do that? I totally lost my train of thought as my mind filled with images of Darren. It was hard to deny that there was something going on here.  
We broke apart and I was breathless. Seriously. I had to take a deep breath to make my mind work again. I stood up and began to walk back.  
Darren stood and came after me. “Jace, wait! What’s the matter?”  
I faced him. I opened my mouth to tell him exactly what was on my mind, but I stopped short. Ah, what was the point? I should just have fun while I was here, I thought. Why analyze everything to death? Besides, he knew that I was only here for a week or two. He couldn’t want anything serious knowing I was leaving. It was just a fling for both of us. Might as well enjoy it.  
I grabbed his hand. “I’m hungry. Let’s go somewhere for dinner.”  
He grinned and squeezed my hand. “Okay. I know the perfect place.”

******************************************************************

Darren took me to a little restaurant in downtown Sausalito. Everyone who worked there seemed to know Darren, and not because he was famous.  
He introduced me to everyone, and I felt like I was the main attraction. The food was excellent, and I had a couple of glasses of excellent wine.  
Darren was an excellent dinner companion, keeping up a steady stream of conversation.  
A couple of people approached Darren for autographs, and two people even recognized me and asked for mine. I never minded giving out autographs and pictures, and Darren didn’t seem to perturbed that they were interrupting his dinner.  
Our little fan from the cable car showed up too.  
“Hi Alicia.” I waved to her at the next table, where she sat with some friends. I figured she could show off in front of her friends if I addressed her by name. They were impressed, and Alicia waved back. She never came over and talked to us though, which surprised me. I certainly had seen her enough in the last two days.  
After the last group of autograph seekers walked away from the table, I leaned towards Darren and asked, “Do you ever get annoyed by that?”  
“Not really. I wouldn’t be who I am without people like that. Sometimes when I really want to be by myself though, it does get old. I need to be able to have alone time, you know?” He said.  
“Well, people only seem to recognize me when I look horrible, or I’m sick,” I laughed.  
“Yeah, then you come across these pictures of yourself that look horrible, and those are the ones that seem to be reprinted the most,” Darren added.  
“I wouldn’t trade it for the world,” I stated.  
“Me neither. This life, I am so lucky. Every day I wake up I realize that. There are so many people out there who would die to have what I have,” Darren related.  
“I know,” I sighed. “I love my life so much. But I worked hard for this. In fact, this is all I have.”  
“What?” Darren asked. “What do you mean?”  
“Well, if for some reason I couldn’t write, I don’t know what I would do.” I maintained. “In fact, I think I spent so much time worried about success that I forgot about the other people in my life. My friends were sacrifices that I made. My agent is my best friend. My other friends are people in the business that I have to deal with. I haven’t had a relationship....a real relationship in years. Besides my sister, I barely even see my family.”  
“Jacey, that’s awful! Why not?” Darren looked sad for me.  
“I don’t know. You don’t know my family. Always telling me what I couldn’t do. Well, I had to prove them wrong, and maybe I don’t talk to them because I want to be able to prove to them I don’t need them. I made it on my own without them.” I declared.  
Darren looked shocked. “I couldn’t be me without my family and friends. I would go nuts. They are the only connection to who I really am, underneath the pop star image. They know me better than I know myself. My mom and dad, my brother and sister, Leonie. All of them.”  
“I know who I am. That’s all that’s important,” I stated. I knew I was right. At least for me.  
“Yeah, the tough girl who doesn’t let anyone in,” Darren said.  
“What? Oh whatever. Just because I can take care of myself,” I said smugly.  
“Anyone I know that went through what you went through with Ryan today would have been affected a little more than it seems you were,” Darren said.  
“I was affected,” I argued. “But I’m not about to lay there and take it.”  
“You didn’t show that you were affected,” Darren pointed out.  
“So what? What’s the point in crying about it? It’s over, it happened. Why get all worked up about it? I get mad,” I said. “And I took it out on you, which was wrong.”  
“You get mad instead of crying? Sometimes having a good cry is the best remedy,” Darren said.  
I laughed. “Yeah, sure. I never cry.”  
“Never?”  
“Nope. Never. Not since I was a little kid.”  
“Even I cry,” Darren said.  
I shrugged. “Everyone has their own way of dealing with things, I guess.”  
“Jeez. I guess,” Darren looked down at his plate. “Want dessert?”  
“I want the richest, most chocolatey thing on the menu,” I stated with a grin.  
Darren laughed. “I think I found the girl of my dreams.”  
We splurged on this chocolate cake thing with layers. I could just feel the pounds I was gaining, but I didn’t really care. After the day I had, I thought I was entitled. Of course, I managed to spill it on my nice yellow sweater too. Darren made fun of me for it. I just laughed about it. It was so trivial compared to other things.  
After dinner, we walked all the way back to Darren’s house holding hands, and having a great conversation. I found myself thinking that we could have been so much more. But I wasn't staying.  
Once back at Darren’s house, we watched a movie and kissed some more under a blanket on his bed. I could get used to it, I thought. Maybe San Francisco would be a nice place to live.  
I must have fallen asleep, although I didn’t remember it. I woke up with a start, and saw the light up clock reading 1:30. Darren was sleeping with his arm around me, and pressed right up against my back. I needed a glass of water.  
I threw back the covers and shivered as the cold air hit my bare skin. My clothes were on the floor somewhere. A little smile crossed my face as I remembered them getting thrown there. I shook my head at myself. I'd known him for two days. My mother would be mortified.  
I felt around for something and found a robe the must have been Darren’s. I made my way down the stairs on the way to the kitchen, but a thump from the lower level stopped me in my tracks. I stood on the stairs, frozen. Another thump. Was it Quinn? Had Leonie come back? Was it Ryan? The last thought scared me.  
I slowly made my way down the stairs. Someone was definitely in the living room who shouldn’t have been. I slithered into the kitchen and felt along the counter until I found the knife rack I had seen earlier in the night. I pulled the biggest knife out, and felt along the walls until I was in the doorway to the living room.  
I heard glass break. Shit, what should I do, I wondered. I felt along the wall for a light switch. Just as I found it, I realized I must have been spotted. Stupid me, the intruder’s eyes had probably already adjusted Ito the dark whereas mine hadn’t.  
He grabbed me and covered my mouth. I grabbed the hand, pushed it in my mouth and bit down.  
I heard him swear as I tasted his blood. I spat it out. I must have gotten him good. There was a lot of blood. I slashed out with the knife. I heard him grunt as the knife made contact with skin. I pulled back, disgusted.  
“Bitch!” He swore, coming at me again. This time I was ready, since my eyes were finally growing used to the dark. I went for his stomach with the knife. He yelled out, and grabbed me around my throat. I smashed my hand into his nose.  
He released my throat for a second, and I reached out for the lamp on the table. Instead of turning it on, I grabbed it and smashed it into the side of his head. He grabbed the side of his head and lunged for me. I moved quickly, and he smashed into the end table the lamp had been on. He reached out for my ankle, and I fell to the floor.  
I felt the knife in my hand slide into my thigh. “Damn it!” I yelled. I felt blood running down my leg.  
“Jacey!” I heard Darren running down the stairs. He flicked the lights on. I saw the intruder run through the kitchen and out the back door.  
Darren was frozen on the bottom of the stairs staring at me.  
I looked down and saw his white robe on me soaked in blood. It was then I saw Quinn. She was lying very still about five feet away from me. And here was I with a knife in my hand and blood everywhere. The only other one in the room. And I didn’t like Quinn. You didn’t need to be a murder mystery author to put this one together.  
I struggled to my feet, pulling the robe tight around me. My thigh was throbbing. “Darren--” I took a step and fell. I winced.  
Darren wasn’t moving. In fact, he was backing up the stairs. Then he turned and ran. What the hell? Did he think I did this?  
I heard a noise behind me and turned my head. My breath caught in my throat as I saw a figure dressed head to toe in black standing behind me with what looked like a wire in his hands. Too late to react, he grabbed me from behind with the wire and pulled. I grabbed his hands but the wire bit into the skin on my neck.  
He pulled back so hard that I was being dragged. I choked and gasped for breath. I didn’t understand what was happening. I knew I had seen someone run out the door. Hadn’t I?  
I clawed at his hands desperately. He pulled back tighter. I felt like my eyes were going to explode as the pressure built up behind them. I started feeling weak.  
I saw Darren back on the stairs through blurry eyes. I heard a shot, and then the pressure on my throat released.  
I felt something wet on my face before I fell backwards. Then I saw Darren’s worried face above me.  
“Jacey! Are you okay?” He touched my face. I saw his hand come away red.  
I weakly moved my hand up and wiped my face, confused. I struggled to sit up.” What the hell?” I was surprised my voice worked.  
“It’s not your blood,” Darren explained.  
I heard sirens wailing in the distance. My thigh was throbbing. The robe had moved in the struggle and I could see my right leg exposed. It was bleeding profusely. There was a large gash in it.  
I looked at Quinn lying on the floor. “Is she.....is she dead?”  
Darren looked so pale I thought he might pass out. “I don’t know.”  
I was so light headed. “I thought you thought I did it....when you went back upstairs.”  
He was helping hold me up in a sitting position, I realized. I thought I had been doing it by myself. I was worse than I thought.  
“No, Jace. I saw that guy behind you. After Leo.....disappeared, I bought a gun. I never owned one before. I had to decide whether to try to make it down here or go for the gun,” Darren’s face had a weird expression I couldn't name. “I didn’t want to lose you too. ”  
That floored me. I opened my mouth to tell him everything was going to be okay, but nothing came out. I tried again. A look of fear passed over Darren’s face. “Jacey?”  
I passed out.

*****************************************************************

When I awoke I was in the back of an ambulance, the ride extremely bumpy. A nice looking paramedic was injecting me with something. Then I remembered I was in a bathrobe. How embarrassing.  
“You’re awake, Miss Lewis. Good, gotta keep you alive so you can keep writing those books.” He winked at me. Great, he knew who I was.  
I cleared my throat and found my voice. “Just don’t tell anyone you saw me in a bathrobe.”  
He laughed. “Why not? You look pretty good in one. Your boyfriend is right behind us; he’ll meet you at the hospital.”  
“Boyfriend?” I asked. He must have meant Darren.  
We arrived at the hospital and as they pulled me out of the ambulance, Darren ran up beside me.  
“Jace! You’re awake. I’m staying right here,” he said.  
“Who was that?” I asked.  
“What?” Darren looked confused. He looked around him.  
“Who was in your house?” I asked.  
“Ah, don’t worry about it.” He said, with a wave of his hand.  
“Was it Ryan? Is Quinn okay? Do I need stitches? Oh crap, do I have to get a tetanus shot?” I shot out all at once, struggling to sit up on the cot.  
The cute paramedic pushed me back down. “Miss Lewis....lay down. Please.”  
I couldn’t see Darren anymore. “Darren?”  
“I’m right here, Jacey. I’m not going to leave you.” Those were that last words I heard before I passed out again. The thought that Darren wouldn’t leave me was very comforting, I thought as the blackness took over again.  
When I awoke, my leg was so numb I wasn’t sure I still had it. I groaned in pain as I tried to sit up.  
“Jacey?” Darren sprung up from the chair beside my bed.  
“What are you doing here?” I asked him. I looked around. “Do you know what time it is?”  
“I haven’t left...and its 7:30 in the morning.” Darren looked at his watch.  
“Holy crap! I have to be at the college by nine.” I threw back the blanket. A chill hit my left leg. My right leg was probably cold too, only I didn’t know it.  
“I have to go. I don’t have any clothes here. Crap!” I exclaimed. I had come to the hospital in a bloody bathrobe. Who knew where that was now.  
“Darren,” I grabbed his arm. “See if they will loan me some scrubs to wear out of here.”  
He opened his mouth to argue, but must have thought better of it. He stuck his head out into the hallway and flagged down an orderly.  
Not two minutes later, the doctor walked in my room and tried to talk me out of leaving. She was a nice lady, but I wasn’t staying in the hospital. Apparently, the police wanted to talk to me too. My room was getting a little too crowded.  
I don’t know what he said or how he did it, but Darren talked everyone into waiting until after my talk at the college.  
Finally, the doctor let me sign myself out of the hospital after I promised to come back to get my leg checked out later that day. I had seventeen silver staples in my thigh.  
Someone brought me a wheelchair which I turned my nose up at. Unfortunately, it was extremely difficult for me to walk, and after two steps I had to grab a hold of Darren’s arm. My pride kept me from asking for the wheelchair back.  
Darren drove me back to my hotel for my clothes. He was quiet on the way there.  
“What’s the matter with you?” I asked.  
He looked over at me and then back to the road. “You. Why in God’s name did you go downstairs with a knife in your hands?”  
“I didn’t. I got the knife in the kitchen. I went downstairs for some water.” I replied.  
“Why didn’t you just go back upstairs, or call the police? What in the world would possess you to take a kitchen knife and go after someone?” Darren asked.  
“Well.......” I didn’t have a good answer.  
“Jacey, you aren’t super woman. You aren’t invincible. You aren’t immortal. Why can’t you just leave things alone? You don’t have to take care of every situation you find yourself in.” He was getting mad at me.  
“Because I can’t! I can’t, okay? I am how I am,” I retorted.  
“You’re stubborn, and you act before you think,” he snapped.  
I crossed my arms and huffed, sliding down in my seat. I knew he was right, but it was who I was, and I couldn’t change that, even if I wanted to.  
“Why didn’t you just get water from the damn bathroom?” Darren demanded.  
I shrugged. “I wanted cold water.”  
“This isn’t a joke.” He said.  
“I’m not laughing. I have staples in my leg, I know damn well what is and isn’t a joke,” I exclaimed.  
“It wasn’t Ryan.” He stated.  
“What?” I sat up in my seat.  
“It wasn’t Ryan in my living room. I don’t know who the guy was. I can’t believe I actually shot him. I’ve only shot that gun once. The day I bought it...yesterday... I practiced for an hour at the firing range. You’re damn lucky I didn’t blow your head off.” Darren shot an angry look in my direction.  
“And Quinn?” I asked.  
He shook his head. “That wire he tried to use on you was used on her first.”  
I didn’t say anything. I looked down at the bloodstains on my scrubs. My cut was bleeding again.  
“Goddamn it Jacey, do you realize how I felt when I saw you downstairs? That---that---bastard was about to put that wire around your neck, and I could see it, and not do anything about it. You didn’t know, and I couldn’t help you. And you holding that knife, covered in blood?” He was yelling at me again.  
“Did you see it?” I asked.  
“See what?” Darren wondered.  
“The body of...the guy. Did you see it?” I asked again.  
“Yes, but I didn’t recognize him.”  
“Did you see his hand?”  
“His hand? I don’t remember.....why?”  
I swallowed. “I saw the guy run out the back door. I swear it. But the guy that attacked me in the living room....I bit his hand and drew blood. I wondered if the guy you shot had a bite mark on his hand.”  
“You think there were two people in my house?” Darren stared at me incredulously, nearly running over an old lady crossing the street with her walker. She flipped us off. Nice Grandma.  
“I don’t know. I saw him run out the door, Darren. How could he have been behind me? There had to be two different people.” I took a deep breath. “Why were they there? Did they come there just to hurt Quinn? What does this have to do with Leonie? What is going on, Darren?”  
He shook his head. “I wish I knew.”  
We pulled up to the Four Seasons. Darren had to help me walk to my room. The desk clerk that had been on yesterday morning was on again. He gave me a strange look as I hobbled by, leaking blood from my leg.  
Once I was in my room I realized that I couldn’t get dressed by myself. The orderly had helped me at the hospital. I glanced at Darren. There was no way I was going to ask him to help me. And how was I going to take a shower with staples in my leg?  
It didn’t matter because I realized I didn’t have time to take shower before my talk at the college. I hadn’t even written the “talk”. I had meant to. I was just busy last night.  
I grabbed some black dress pants that would hide any blood that might leak from my wound. A nice dark red dressy tank top would work with it. I managed the tank top by myself. The pants took me a little longer, but I wasn’t going to ask for help.  
When I finally hobbled out of the bathroom, a look at the clock threw me into panic mode.  
“Crap! I was supposed to be there already! I don’t even know what I’m going to say! Shit!” I yelled. My leg was starting to throb again. I needed more of the numbing drugs. I fumbled through my purse for the painkillers the doctor had given me.  
I was about to pop one when Darren grabbed my wrist. “Do you think you should take that when you are about to get up in front of all those people and talk?”  
“Mmmm.....good point.” I dropped the pills on the coffee table.  
“Are you ready?” Darren asked. “Let’s go.”  
We drove to the college in silence. I knew he was worried abut Leonie and mad at me, but what was I supposed to do about it now? It was over. I couldn’t change what had happened, and I wasn’t sure that given the chance I wouldn’t just do it the same all over again.  
He was right, I did act before I thought about it.  
Once we arrived at the school, I tried to hurry and limp to the auditorium. Darren, who was mad already, lost his patience and picked me up.  
“Hey!” I exclaimed as he carried me in his arms. “Put me down.”  
“No. You are taking too long.” Darren refused. “Just be quiet. You aren’t running the show anymore, Jacey. This time, what I say goes.”  
I shut up. I didn’t have any smart comebacks. I didn’t like being told what to do, but having him carry me was a lot easier than trying to walk. I sighed, and held on for dear life.  
He set me down outside the auditorium. I brushed my pants off and made a face at him. I opened the door, walked inside, and let it slam shut in his face.  
He opened it behind me. “Thanks, Jace.”  
“Don’t tell me what to do then.” I retorted, limping my way down the hallway. “Just because I slept with you doesn’t mean you can order me around like I’m some pet of yours or something. I don’t need this.”  
“Sometimes I think you need a swift kick in the ass,” he grumbled.  
By the time I reached the end of the hallway, I was out of breath. Inside, I was scared to death. I had planned to stay up all night and write out this speech, and I hadn’t done it. I had nothing planned to say to this class full of writer hopefuls. Crap.  
I heard a female voice calling me down the hallway. “Miss Lewis! Miss Lewis!”  
I mustered a smile. “Hi Alicia. How are you?”  
She ran up to me. “What happened to your leg? Did your publisher do that?”  
“What?” I asked. “How do you know about that?”  
She grinned. “You made the front page of the Examiner.”  
“Oh no. What did it say?” I asked fearfully.  
“That the police are looking for your publisher, who attacked you and is suspected in the disappearance of another girl.” Alicia said excitedly.  
“Just wait til tomorrow’s edition,” I muttered under my breath. To Alicia I said: “No, he didn’t do this. I did this to myself on accident. I had a little kitchen incident.”  
It wasn’t really a lie.  
“Well, we are about to start. I have to go grab my seat.” Alicia said. She looked at Darren. “Hi, Mr. Hayes. I’m a big fan of your music.”  
“Hi, thanks,” Darren replied.  
She turned and hurried off.  
An older lady with graying brown hair pulled into a bun hurried towards us. “Ms. Lewis! I heard about what happened! I hope you are okay. I’m Lois Steinman, we spoke on the phone. I coordinated this talk.”  
I vaguely remembered. I think she had actually talked to Natalie. I shook her hand.  
“Are you okay to give this talk?” She asked me.  
I hesitated. I could probably get out of this by playing up my injuries. I could go back to my room, or Darren’s house. Spend the day in bed, off of my leg. Except that I was no quitter, and the fact that I was unprepared was my own fault, injury or not.  
I shook my head. “I can do this.”  
She pointed to a door. “That leads to the back of the stage. Everyone is already seated. Whenever you are ready, let me know.”  
She walked through the door.  
“Shit,” I muttered.  
“What now?” Darren sighed.  
“I don’t know what I’m going to say,” I stated.  
“You what? Didn’t you know you were going to be doing this?” He asked, shaking his head in disbelief.  
“I believe in doing things at the last minute,” I told him. “Unfortunately, I ran out of minutes.”  
“So you have nothing prepared?”  
“Nope.”  
“Jacey! I hope these people didn’t pay for this.”  
“No. It was free,” I hobbled to the door.  
Darren held the door open so could limp through. “What are you going to say?”  
I shrugged. “I don’t know. But it will be from the heart.” I laughed.  
“Unbelievable. You have to be the most unorganized person....you know, I always pictured writers as being the ones who really have it together. But you.....you totally destroyed that image.” Darren smiled.  
“Live for the moment,” I joked.  
“More like you don’t want to make any kind of definite plan for anything,” Darren said.  
“Well, yeah, that’s what living for the moment is.” I was confused.  
“No, that’s not wanting to have any kind of responsibility in your life. Making any kind of decision about anything means you might have to stick with it. Career, family, where you live....it’s all the same,” Darren pointed out.  
“It’s just a stupid talk, you are reading way too much into this.” I rolled my eyes at him, starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. Maybe because he was right about me.  
“It’s more than the talk. It’s the way you do everything. Like walking into the kitchen and grabbing a stupid knife, instead of going back upstairs and calling the police. Or staying still so he would leave.” Darren argued.  
“I was already upstairs,” I retorted. I regretted saying that as soon a the words slipped from my mouth.  
“What? What do you mean you were already upstairs?” Darren grabbed my arm.  
“Just what I said. I was still at the top of the stairs when I heard the guy downstairs.” I pulled my arm away.  
“You went down the stairs after a murderer?” Darren exclaimed.  
“Well, how was I supposed to know that he was a murderer? I didn’t know anything had happened to Quinn!” I exclaimed.  
“Oh, for-” Darren threw his hands up in the air. “I’m not going to argue with you.”  
“Okay. I have a talk to give,” I said abruptly.  
I walked over to Lois Steinman to let her know I was ready. Or as ready as I was going to be, I thought, wincing as my leg throbbed. I could have sworn those staples made it worse.  
Lois made her way out to the middle of the stage where a large wooden podium with a microphone was set up.  
“Ladies and gentlemen,” she began, “today we are very lucky to have a with us a young lady who is an established figure in the writing world. Jacinda Lewis is the author of five bestsellers, and her next book, “Smother” is set to be released next month. She has been on several television programs and reviewed in many magazines, and she is only 27! She is here today to talk to you about writing. Let’s give a warm welcome to Jacinda Lewis!”  
Everyone stood and clapped. I knew that was my cue. Darren gave me a little shove, which I promptly returned. “Knock it off, jerk.”  
Shoving me, ha. Like I didn’t know I was supposed to be walking out there right then.  
“Go, you idiot!” Darren said in my ear.  
I gave him a fake mean look and smiled in the middle of it. I walked out to the podium and was startled by flashes from cameras. I was trying very hard not to limp noticeably. I reached the podium, and leaned on it for support. The applause died down into silence. I took a deep breath and looked out into the sea of anxious faces before me.  
Darren stood off to the side with his arms folded across his chest. I noticed then how good he looked in his nice black pants and bright blue shirt. I brought my attention back to the faces in front of me.  
I cleared my throat. “Hi. I’m Jacey. I guess all of you here today are interested in writing, am I right?”  
A few heads nodded.  
I went on. “Well, let me tell you something. Having the ability to create stories and put them down on paper is a privilege. It’s something that no class can teach you. Sure, you can learn the basics of writing, and even how to organize them on paper, but the gift of storytelling comes from the heart.  
“One thing you should remember: always write for yourself. Don’t write something because that's what others want to read. Write what you want, and as long as you are writing for you. Gertrude Stein once said, ‘I write for myself and strangers. The strangers, dear Reader, are an afterthought.’ A true writer always plays to an audience of one.  
“Always write something. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, ‘Talent alone cannot make the writer.’ Even if what you write is horrible. People who say they didn’t write because they ‘weren’t inspired’ will never get anything accomplished. You write until you get past that block. No one said you have to use everything you put down on paper. That's what a rewrite is for.  
I cleared my throat, taking a sip of water that was on the podium. “Writing is my strong suit; speaking is not. So what I’m going to do is let you ask me questions, which I will do my best to answer, and we will take it from there. Does that sound all right?”  
The same few heads nodded.  
“Okay...if you have a question, just raise your hand, and we’ll do this one at a time.”  
And so we started. The first several questions were about getting started in the writing world, and how to find an agent, a publisher, and so on. I spent quite a good deal of time on each question, and an hour flew by before I knew it.  
Then naturally someone had to throw me.  
A dark haired girl with glasses stood up when I picked her. “Miss Lewis, do you have a comment on the story in the paper dealing with the assault on you by your publisher, Ryan Harmon, and how he is involved in the disappearance of his girlfriend, Leonie Messer, who just happens to be the roommate of your boyfriend? And are you involved in any way with her disappearance?”  
I was stunned into silence.  
“Miss Lewis?” She prodded.  
“First of all, I cannot comment on an ongoing investigation. I do not know how or even if Mr. Harmon is involved in Leonie’s disappearance. Leonie is a dear friend to a very good friend of mine, and the police are doing everything they can. I hope she is returned home soon, unharmed. She and her family are in my thoughts and prayers.” I said. That was better than a “no comment” and I didn’t think I would get into any trouble for saying that much.  
The same girl continued, “Is it true that someone broke into Darren Hayes’ home this morning, and you were there and stabbed in the leg during a struggle?”  
Where had this girl come from? And how did she know about that already? At least she didn?’t seem to be aware of what had happened to Quinn, thank God.  
I glanced over at Darren, who was scrutinizing the girl that had asked.  
“Uh.....” I stuttered.  
Lois walked over to the podium. “That will be all for today. Let’s give Miss Lewis a big round of applause to thank her for being here today.”  
She led me off the stage apologizing profusely.  
“It’s okay, really.” I waved her off. My heart was beating so loudly I could hear it in my head, and I felt sick. I reached Darren and grabbed his arm, steadying myself on him.  
“Darren,” I started, but my thoughts died in my throat. He was pale, and I knew he was really scared. I could read it in his eyes.  
“Let’s get out of here.” He whispered. He grabbed my hand, and we walked out together.  
We headed to the police station. I was fuming mad about that girl who had asked me those questions.  
“She must have been a reporter,” I said. “How else would she have know about this morning?”  
Darren shrugged and didn’t answer.  
We arrived at the police station, and to my surprise, they separated us.  
The same female police lieutenant that had been at my hotel the previous day sat me down in a windowless room with only a small table and two plain fold out chairs.  
She introduced herself as Lt. Emily Powers. She was a petite blond woman who I never would have guessed was a police officer. She didn’t seem to have that “edge” that all the female police officers I knew had. I knew quite a few back home in Manhattan, since my book research demanded police contacts.  
She had me write down exactly what happened at Darren’s house that morning. Then she read over it, and asked me a few questions.  
“Now, are you positive there was more than one person?” She glanced up from the paper,  
“Well, I never saw two people at the same time, but I know for sure that I saw someone run out the back door.....through the kitchen.” I remembered.  
“How familiar are you with the layout of Mr. Hayes’ home?” She asked.  
“Well....I’m not....really.” I confessed.  
“And it was dark. There were no lights on at all in the downstairs area, correct?”  
“Well...no. But I could see....”  
“And you just met Mr. Hayes a few days...I’m sorry, a couple of days ago?”  
“Ah, well....yes.” I was starting to sweat. What was this?  
She continued. “Did you get along with Quinn Messer?”  
“I didn’t really know her,” I replied.  
“You write murder and crime novels for a living, don’t you, Miss Lewis?” She looked up at me again.  
“Yes.” What did that have to do with anything? I wondered.  
“Did you have any association with Leonie Messer before your arrival here in San Francisco?” She fixed her steely blue eyes on me. I decided I had been wrong about her. She was tough with her questions.  
“No,” I answered.  
“Are you aware that someone tried to pay Mr. Hayes to take up with you once you arrived here?” Her question made me feel cheap, as if I wasn’t worthy enough to be decent company without an incentive.  
“Yes, Darren told me he refused.” I stuck my chin out. I still had my pride.  
“Did you call and offer him money to accompany you?”  
“WHAT?” I jumped up. “That is ridiculous! No!”  
She raised an eyebrow , and I sat down. My heart was beating so fast I feared I might have a heart attack right there. I was starting to wonder if I needed a lawyer, but that was silly; I hadn’t done anything wrong.  
“How are you acquainted with Ryan Harmon?” She asked.  
“He is....was my publisher. Look...you know this already. You were there at the hotel.” I reminded her.  
“Are you aware that he said you came on to him, and when he rejected you, you started to get out of control, and he had to defend himself?” She asked.  
“WHAT? Oh my God! That is ridiculous! That is a blatant lie!” I yelled, slamming my fist down on the table. I was going to hunt Ryan Harmon down and kill him, I decided angrily. Better not mention that to Lieutenant Powers though.  
I leaned back in the seat and folded my arms across my chest. I was so mad. How could this be happening to me?  
“So you just happened to sit next to Darren Hayes on an airplane, whose roommate is your publisher’s girlfriend, and is missing, and you are accused of not taking his rejection very well. Yet you say you have nothing to do with Leonie Messer or her disappearance?” She was walking around the table now.  
“I don’t know Leonie, and I have nothing to do with this!” I threw my hands up in the air with desperation.  
She leaned in front of me. “Don’t leave town Miss Lewis. Not until you clear it with me.”  
I glared at her. “Why not?”  
She laughed. “Just because you are a celebrity doesn’t mean you are going to get any preferential treatment from us. You are not to leave town.”  
She turned on her heel and left the room, leaving the door open.  
“I'm NOT a damn celebrity,” I muttered.  
I took a deep breath and tried to regain my composure. I pulled myself to my feet and wandered out through the doorway. The busy police department buzzed with excitement, and on a normal day, I would have been fascinated with what I could learn here for future projects. Right now I just wanted to get out.  
My leg was killing me, but I wandered out through the hallways until I burst out into the sunshine of the day. I inhaled the fresh air and sat down on the stone steps. I closed my eyes and turned my face up to the sun. I was beginning to wish I had never come here. I had had nothing but problems, and now I was a murder and kidnapping suspect on top of that. What else could go wrong?  
I opened my eyes and stared down at my feet. I hoped the newspaper didn’t get a hold of this.  
My cell phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket, checking the number of the incoming call. Natalie. I looked at the phone thoughtfully, then set it on the stone step next to me. I stood up, and slammed the heel of my boot down on the face of my phone. Pain throbbed through my leg, but that only made me smash the phone again. And again. I lost all control and smashed my phone into a million little pieces.  
When I stopped, I stared at the phone on the ground. That really hadn’t helped anything.  
Just then I noticed Darren leaning against a pillar about five feet away from me. He had no expression on his face as our eyes met. He looked down at my phone, and then walked down the steps. I thought he was coming over to me, but he walked right past me without saying a word. Apparently he had witnessed my little temper tantrum.  
Terrific. I sighed. I was pretty sure that whatever the police had said to Darren, he probably suspected me too. I guessed I couldn’t blame him. After what Lt. Powers had said, I almost suspected me. He really didn’t know me either. I was just a stranger on a plane.  
I took a cab back to my hotel and tried to get some sleep. I had to take my painkillers to even get anywhere near an unconscious state. I fell asleep for several hours, and when I awoke , darkness had descended over the city.  
I took a shower, taking great pains not to get my stapled leg wet. It was nine o’clock when I finally was dressed and dried. I was starving. I decided to take a cable car by myself to Fisherman’s Wharf and have seafood for dinner. I'd do touristy things by myself for the night.  
I ate by myself at a nice restaurant overlooking the water. Of course, they all overlooked the water. The solitude gave me plenty of time to think about things. I wondered what Darren was doing. The truth was, I was so bad for him. That’s the way things were with me. I was selfish, and I only ever thought of myself. I was so wrapped up in myself that I had trivialized Leonie’s disappearance, and even Quinn’s death. Neither Darren nor I had cared much for Quinn, but she was a person, and she had had her life taken from her brutally, in a way I had almost been made familiar with. No matter the type of person she was, she didn’t deserve that. Plus, she was Leonie’s family. Anything that would hurt Leonie was sure to upset Darren. He didn’t want to see his friend upset. Then he takes a chance with me and the police convince him that I could be behind everything.  
After I finished dinner, I wandered the streets around Fisherman’s Wharf lost in thought. A light rain began to fall. I sat down on a bench in a grassy area across from Ghirardelli Square. I stared sadly at the Square, wishing I could feel like I felt that night. Why did life always have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t I have met Darren in New York? My life in New York was so simple, and easy. I felt homesick.  
I shivered. I felt like I was being watched. Sometimes being a writer with an overactive imagination really made you fear your surroundings for no reason.  
I stared at the moon playing on the water. It really was beautiful here. I got lost in the sight, and wished I had someone to share it with. I was always alone. I kept people at a distance. Why couldn’t I just let down my guard? It was almost as if I was afraid to allow myself a little happiness. Maybe I was just afraid to share myself with someone else.  
I felt someone sit down beside me. I slowly turned my head. Darren stared at me.  
Neither one of us said anything. He searched my eyes. Whatever he was looking for, he must have found. He touched my chin, and drew me to him, kissing me softly.  
When he pulled away, he said, “I was walking around here, just thinking. I thought I might run into you. I hoped I might.”  
“Why did you walk away from me today?” I asked.  
“Honestly? I had to think about things....you probably already know that you are a suspect.” After I nodded, he continued, “The things they said...well, I thought about the last few days, and Jacey, I know you had nothing to do with this. I really feel like you and I have this connection. I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. Like another part of me.”  
Oh, I really wanted him to stop talking. I didn’t want to hear about connections and soul mates. I’d known him two day. I was going home in a few more.  
He went on. “But you keep pushing me away. When I walked away from you today, I wanted more than anything to hear you call me. I would have turned around in a second. I don’t want to be away from you. I wanted you to tell me to wait. That you needed me to stay.” He looked at me earnestly. “But you don’t.”  
I stood up and started to pace. The rain started to fall harder. I wiped a wet strand of hair away from my face. “Darren...I can’t. I can’t need. My whole life, I’ve always been the only one I can count on. Just me. I don’t know how to be different than that.”  
He grabbed my arms and faced me. “Why can’t you let someone else in? I know that you aren’t as strong as you pretend to be. No one is that strong. God, how can you not see what we could have?”  
I broke away from him. “I CAN!” I screamed. “That is the problem. I can see it. And I don’t want to.”  
I walked away from him.  
He yelled after me. “Jacey, I’m falling in love with you. I’m not afraid to say it.”  
I turned around. “Darren....please! You don't even know me. Find someone else! Someone who will treat you better. I’m no good for you. You need someone who needs you more than I do. You need someone who you can take care of...that’s not me. You are a great person. Someday you are going to make someone so happy. But it’s not me. I’m sorry. You deserve better.”  
He laughed bitterly. “You’re so good at telling everyone else what they need. Everybody needs somebody else. You’ll see. Why don’t you let me make my own decisions about what I need? Maybe I need you. You know what? I can play this stupid game of yours too, if that's really what you want. But I don’t think it is.”  
I saw Alicia out of the corner of my eye, hanging on every word. I couldn’t deal with everything, so I turned and ran. I ran until I couldn’t see Ghirardelli Square, the water, or even the moon.  
I stopped when I realized I had no idea where I was. Running had been stupid. My leg was bleeding again, and throbbing with pain. I had a bad feeling I was going to have staples in my thigh for a long time.  
I swallowed the lump of fear in my throat. I was on a side street with a broken streetlight. It was pitch black. I could hear Darren calling me in the distance. I could hear myself breathing. It sounded so loud.  
I wanted to go back, but I wasn’t sure which way “back” was. The feeling I had earlier of being watched had returned. I felt a chill run up my spine.  
Suddenly, I felt an arm encircle my neck and cover my mouth. My eyes widened and I tried to scream, but nothing came out. I kicked, but to no avail.  
I was dragged back into the shadows. I saw Darren come around the corner. I struggled and tried to make any noise I could.  
I harsh voice whispered in my ear. “Be quiet and stop moving, or I kill you, and him.”  
I froze. Darren walked right by me, not seeing us hidden in the shadows. He kept calling my name.  
Suddenly, a felt a sharp pain in my head. I realized I had been hit with something, but before I could try to figure out what it was, everything went black.  
******************************************************************

A throbbing, pulsating noise resounded in my head. I moaned. My head really hurt. Was I hung over? I struggled to open my eyes, and was immediately confused by my surroundings.  
Wherever I was, it was cold and wet. And dark. Light was coming in from somewhere. The thought crossed my mind that I was in some sort of a cave. My head was bleeding. I reached up to touch my scalp, but my arm strained against rope.  
Suddenly, the night’s memories came flooding back. Judging by the light filtering in, I guessed it was morning by now. I had been here all night. I turned my head and found myself face to face with a pretty brown haired girl, also tied up, sitting on the wet floor next to me. Leonie? I wondered.  
She looked horrible. Her face was streaked with dirt, and she had bags under her eyes. There was dried blood on her cheek and neck. She was shaking, and looked scared.  
Looking at her, I panicked. What if we had been left here to die?  
My mouth wasn’t covered, and I started yelling. “Help! Someone, help us!”  
The girl shook her head. “It’s no use. No one can hear us here.” Her voice came out hoarse.  
“Are you Leonie?” I asked her.  
She looked surprised. “Yes! How did you know?”  
“I’m a friend of Darren’s,” I replied. “I think. Anyway, the police are looking for you, and me, since they think I kidnapped you.”  
“You look familiar,” she said. “Have I met you before?”  
“No,” I told her. “I’m Jacey Lewis. I write. Darren said you read my books.”  
“Oh!” Her face lit up. “Yeah, I’m a really big fan. I’m sorry you are in this mess.”  
“It’s not your fault! Do you know what’s going on here?” I asked her.  
Before she could answer, a bright light filled the room as someone somewhere must have opened a door or something. It burned my eyes.  
Then I saw Ryan. “I knew it was you, you stupid piece of shit,” I snapped. Leonie and I gasped as we both saw Darren with him.  
Ryan raised his arm, and I saw the light glint off the barrel of a gun. He motioned Darren to sit down next to me.  
Darren caught my eye as he sat down. He glared at Ryan. “You already had her.”  
Ryan grinned. “Put your hands behind your back, and don’t try anything or I shoot both of them.”  
Darren complied, and Ryan tied his arms and legs tightly. Ryan took one last look at the three of us and left the room.  
Darren looked at me. “He told me if I didn’t go with him, he was going to come after you and kill you and Leonie.”  
I was trying to figure out what was going on. Something didn’t fit right.  
“Leo? Are you okay?” Darren asked.  
“I’m fine. Well, not really. But I think I will be.” She replied. “I just.....I trusted Ryan.”  
The clanging noise that had woken me up was beginning to give me a headache.  
“Does that noise ever stop?” I asked Leonie.  
Darren looked at me. “What difference does that make?”  
I glared at him. “Cuz it’s driving me nuts.”  
He glared right back at me. “So how are you going to fix this one, Jacey? You know, since you think you run everything. How are you going to get out of this?”  
“Oh, screw you! Do you think I wanted this to happen?” I yelled at him.  
“Who knows with you! C’mon, can’t you just kick some ass and get us out of here, huh Wonder Woman?” He shouted.  
He was making me very angry. I glowered at him. “Oh, shove it up your-”  
“Both of you shut up!” Leonie yelled.  
I refused to look at Darren. The clanging was driving me mad. I couldn’t take it much longer. Suddenly I remembered something.  
“I know where we are!” I exclaimed. Both Darren and Leonie looked at me in surprise.  
“The noise! Darren, we’re under the pier....by your house! I remember that noise...there was a metal hook on the boat docked there.” I recalled.  
“That’s right!” Darren remembered.  
Something else struck me then. “Darren....when Ryan was tying you up....did you notice his hands?”  
Darren chewed his lip thoughtfully. “Was his hand bitten?”  
“No!” I exclaimed.  
Darren froze. “What? It wasn’t Ryan?”  
Leonie looked confused. “What are you talking about?”  
I explained briefly about our eventful week.  
She shook her head. “Well, I know how they got into the house. They have my keys.”  
“They?” I asked.  
“Jacey?” A familiar female voice interrupted our conversation.  
Natalie strode into our little prison.  
“Natalie!” Darren and I gasped at the same time.  
“Thank God! You got here just in-” I froze. Her left hand was bandaged across the palm. I slowly turned my head to face Darren. How did Darren know Natalie?  
Darren looked confused. “Wait....what is this? Natalie....you? Jacey...how do you know Nat?”  
I stared at him incredulously. “How do you know Nat?”  
“She’s my publicist,” Darren replied.  
I swallowed. “She-she’s my agent.”  
We exchanged horrified looks.  
“Forget the foreplay,” I muttered. “We just got screwed.”  
Natalie smiled. “Don’t worry...you guys will be out of here in no time.”  
“Why are you here?” I asked. “Why aren’t you in New York?”  
“I’ve been here for the last week.” She replied.  
I was so confused. What motive did Natalie have for doing all this? She really didn’t.  
“Why, Nat? I don’t understand,” I asked.  
She laughed. “You have a book coming out next month. Darren’s album comes out in two months. What better way to assure that both will be top sellers than this little drama that you both are involved in?”  
“Little drama? You’re nuts. You killed someone,” I spat.  
“She did?” Leonie looked at me questionably.  
“Uh...” I stuttered. I didn’t want to tell her.  
Natalie cut in. “Quinn wasn’t supposed to die.”  
Leonie gasped. “Quinn? Oh my God!”  
Natalie continued. “We went to Darren’s home that night to take you, Jacey. Unfortunately, Quinn must have woken up and come downstairs. Ben tried to subdue her, but she struggled. Her death was an accident. He was only trying to knock her out.” She faced Darren. “Then you killed Ben.”  
“He was going to kill Jacey,” Darren snapped. “And who the hell is Ben, anyway?”  
“Oh, Ben was just someone I knew that I hired to help me.” Natalie laughed. “I already knew I could get the two of you together. I bought both of your tickets in New York for you, that’s why you were sitting together. Darren must never have told you that he stopped in New York to see me. I was a little worried that you both might realize that you had the same publicist.”  
I glanced at Darren. “He told me he was in New York for business. He never mentioned a name.”  
Natalie continued. “I called Darren and offered him money to escort you around in San Francisco. I knew he would refuse, but I knew it would be enough to raise his interest in you. It’s too bad really.....you two do make a nice pair.”  
“Then I called a friend at the newspaper, who followed both of you from the airport, until he got a picture,” she said.  
“Who threw the brick through the window?” I asked.  
“That was me. I was hiding in one of the bedrooms. I got in with Leonie’s key, and left as soon as I threw the brick.” It was sick; she seemed pleased with herself. “I needed to get the police involved.”  
I noticed Ryan standing quietly behind Nat.  
“How did she get you to go along with all of this? You know your career is over now,” I stated.  
Natalie answered. “I paid him off. Once I convinced him that we would make a ton of money off of the both of you, he went along with it.”  
Ryan glared at Natalie. “I told you to let me get Jacey that night. If you would have listened, no one would have been hurt. Now two people are dead. You’ve ruined my life.”  
He looked at me. “Jacey, I’m sorry for what happened. I know you’ll never forgive me. And Leo....I don’t think anything I say will make up for the hurt I’ve caused you.”  
Leonie fixed him with a steely glare. “If you think you can apologize to us now and we won’t hold you responsible for this, you are sadly mistaken.”  
I snickered. “Ha, you jerk. I hope you rot in hell. I was actually going to come after you and kill you, but I guess I’ll let the law do you in instead.”  
Ryan smiled. “That’s only if they ever find you.”  
Natalie broke in. “What are you talking about? They only have to sit here until the media makes a big deal out of this. Then we release them, and bam! Books and cd’s shoot to number one, and we are rich.”  
“Are you seriously stupid?” Ryan wondered aloud. I was thinking the same thing. “Do you really think that after they are released, they’re just gonna get on with their lives without telling the police about us?”  
Natalie looked at us. “But this is for their own good. They must see that. You do see that, don’t you?”  
“Did you just fall off the stupid moron boat or what?” I asked.  
She actually looked hurt. “Jacey! I thought we were friends!”  
I couldn’t believe it. She was serious.  
“The only way we aren’t going to jail, Natalie, is if we get rid of them,” Ryan said. “Think of it this way. Her book and his cd will really sell if they are dead.”  
Unfortunately, Natalie’s face lit up with this thought. Why had I never realized that my friend was off balance in the head?  
I tried to move my hands behind my back and loosen the ropes, but they were tied tight.  
I addressed Natalie with my next question. “So it was you who I stabbed that night in the house then?” I had thought it had been a guy. I had just assumed it had been Ryan.  
She held up her hand. “You bit me. You tried to stab me. You punched me in the face. All that, and I was just trying to help you. You’re strong though.”  
“I knew there was more than one person. You were the one who ran out the back door.” I shook my head. “The police think I made it up.”  
It struck me then that we really were in trouble. Everything that had happened this week was horrible, but the cause of it was standing in front of me. The only people in San Francisco that I even knew were in the room with me. For once, I had no idea how to get out of the mess I was in.  
Ryan came over and grabbed me by my hair and jerked me to my feet. I winced in pain.  
“You’re going down first, you arrogant bitch. I hope you’re scared.” He laughed. “Who’s crying now?”  
I spit in his face. “Not me. Not ever.”  
He smacked me. I kicked him. He jerked my head back and got right in my face.  
“Struggle all you want, its going to make this a lot more fun.” He hissed.  
“You’ll never get away with this.” I told him. I wasn’t too sure about that though.  
“Leave her alone.” Darren yelled.  
“Oh, don’t worry...you’ll be next.” Ryan told him.  
Leonie looked like she was going to be sick.  
Ryan shoved me down to my knees and held his gun to my temple. I could feel blood running down my face.  
I braced myself. I really thought I was going to die. I looked straight at Darren.  
“Darren....I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted.” I whispered.  
“Jacey, you are exactly what I wanted. I meant what I said last night. I love you.” His blue eyes were so sincere. It was exactly that last sight I wanted to see in this world.  
“Yeah, that’s real cute.” Ryan snarled.  
I didn’t answer. I just kept eye contact with Darren. That’s all I wanted to see. Ryan cocked the gun.  
Just as I expected to begin my journey to the other side, I heard someone yelling. “Freeze! Police!”  
Out of every corner of our little cave, men and women in police uniforms appeared, brandishing guns trained on Ryan and Natalie.  
Everyone became still as ice. Ryan held the gun to my temple. I still stared at Darren, just in case Ryan pulled the trigger. Leonie was crying in relief. Natalie was staring at all of the police surrounding us.  
I saw Lt. Powers out of the corner of my eye. She was slowly moving towards us.  
“Stop or I’ll shoot her,” Ryan yelled at her.  
“You don’t want to do that. Look around you. I have twenty sharp shooters surrounding you. I have a swat team outside. You shoot her, you’ll be dead before she hits the floor.” Lt. Powers held the gun on Ryan. Her talk of me hitting the floor didn’t really make me feel any better about the situation.  
I saw Ryan’s finger tighten on the trigger. I saw everything in slow motion. He started to pull. They say your whole life flashes before your eyes when you are about to die. The sad thing is, it’s really true. And I didn’t like what I saw. I had a lot left to do. I wasn’t ready to die.  
As Ryan pulled the trigger, Lt. Powers fired her gun. I saw a flash by my head. I fell down on my side. I heard a scream, and suddenly I was surrounded by police. Someone, I think it was Darren, yelled my name. I couldn't hear. Everything sounded muffled. Someone helped me up and untied me.  
I saw Ryan being led away by some officers, screaming and writhing. There was blood all over. I realized Lt. Powers had shot the gun right out of his hand. I started shaking when I realized where that meant she had shot. Right next to my head.  
Natalie was being led away in handcuffs. Leonie and Darren were hugging each other.  
Lieutenant Powers came over to me. “Miss Lewis, are you okay?”  
“Yeah. You saved my life!” I exclaimed. “How did you know where we were?” I wondered.  
“Do you know someone named Alicia Dexter?” She asked me.  
I laughed. Alicia. I should have known. “Yes, I think so. I don’t actually know her last name.”  
“She came down to the station and told me she has been following you all over town since you got here, and told me she saw a man grab you last night. She said she followed him down here.” Lt. Powers smiled. “I think I owe you an apology.”  
“No, you don’t. You have a job to do. If you were worried about offending everyone all the time, no one would ever be caught.” I told her.  
“I’m glad you see it that way. Now I think we should get you to the hospital.” She said, motioning to a paramedic over her shoulder.  
Oh great, it was that cute paramedic from the other day.  
He grinned and waved. “Hi again. This is getting to be a regular thing with you.”  
“Ha ha,” I said sarcastically.  
He grabbed my arm. “C’mon, I’ll get you on the stretcher.”  
I pulled away. “I can walk just fine!”  
“Why don’t you just sit down on it?” He suggested.  
“No way!” I shook my head.  
I heard Darren. “Goddamn it Jacey, just get on the damn stretcher.”  
After fighting with the paramedic for the next five minutes, I agreed I would lay down on the stretcher for the ride to the hospital if I walked outside on my own. Another paramedic was attending to Darren, and Leonie was already on the way to the hospital. I was led out before I could say anything to Darren. I didn’t even see him amidst all the people.  
I don’t remember much about the ride to the hospital. I know I spent the rest of the day and that night there. I had a minor concussion from being hit on the head, along with a lovely black eye. I got seven stitches along my hairline, where I had a nice cut. Apparently, Ryan had hit me with the butt of his gun when he had abducted me on the street. I didn’t really remember anything from that night except blacking out from a sharp pain. He also had broken my nose when he had hit me before the police intercepted.  
I wasn’t happy about having stitches on my face, nor about the slew of reporters I got bombarded with when I left the hospital. There was a nice shot of my beat up face on the cover of the newspaper the next day. They had a field day with the story of a pop star who killed someone in his own home. I imagined my cell phone would have been ringing like crazy had I not demolished the nasty little thing.  
I found out later that Darren was released the same day I was. Leonie was hospitalized for two days. She was severely dehydrated, and bruised all over.  
I sent Alicia a thank you note along with some flowers. I also took her and all of her friends out to dinner the day I got out of the hospital. I owed her my life. I would make sure she was one of the first ones to get a copy of “Smother” when it came out the next month.  
I bought a San Francisco baseball cap at a tourist shop, and spent the next day sightseeing. I was determined to get some kind of vacation out of the trip. I went to Alcatraz like I had originally planned. I liked it so much I went back for the night tour, and decided to base my next book around it.  
When I got back to my hotel, I had six messages, all from Darren. I didn’t return his calls. I thought it would be best if I didn’t see him again. I was going back to New York the next morning.  
I unplugged the phone and went to sleep.  
The next morning I awoke at 5:30. The sun was shining, the air was warm. I was going home.  
I took a cab to the airport. My flight left at nine. I needed to be there by 7:30. Enough time to check in and take my medicine before I got on the airplane.  
I felt sad as I sat at gate 6B, looking out the window at the large airplane parked there. Even though I had had so many bad things happen to me here, one of the best things that had ever happened to me had also taken place in San Francisco.  
Having been within inches of death had made me reevaluate my life. Once I was back home, I wanted to plan a trip to Kentucky to see my parents. I thought I might take a break once my book was out and I finished my book tour. By road, of course. No more planes for me.  
I had to get a new agent and publisher. I would be doing background checks on the new ones.  
I glanced at my watch. I should be boarding in forty-five minutes. I fished my little pill bottle out of my carry-on. I popped one of the pills in my mouth and swallowed.  
“Jacey!” I heard someone call my name.  
I looked up to see Darren running towards me. I sighed. I had really wanted to avoid this.  
“Were you just going to leave and not call me?” He looked hurt.  
“I was going to write you when I got home,” I said truthfully. A long long letter, I thought. “How did you know when I was leaving?”  
“Lieutenant Powers had your flight information.” He said. I had forgotten I had given it to her. He reached out and touched my cheek. “Wow....your face. God, I wish I could have done something.”  
I didn’t say anything.  
“Don’t leave, Jace.” Darren pleaded.  
I opened my mouth to argue, but he cut me off.  
“Just let me say what I need to say.” He asked. “I told you I loved you, but that’s not enough for you. I’m not sure what I need to say to convince you. But please...don’t go back to New York.”  
He had told me he would never ask me that. I remembered that night in the restaurant. He said he would never ask me to change my life like that. Why was he doing this to me? I wondered. It was only going to make what I had to do harder.  
He went on. “After they arrested Natalie and Ryan...you didn’t even come over to me. You left without saying a word. Yet, when you thought you were going to die, you couldn’t look away from me. So I know you feel something. God, I just want to be able to say the right thing to make you leave here with me..not take that plane. I don’t know why you push me away. Why can’t you just take a chance? Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t care about me!”  
“Darren, that’s not it at all.” I said. “I do care about you. But I have my own life in New York. I’m not right for you. I can’t pretend to be. If I listened to my heart, I would stay here with you. But I can’t.”  
“You never listen to your heart, though, do you?” Darren asked. “Just your head.”  
“That’s the sensible thing!” I argued.  
“And you miss out on so much.” He stated.  
“Well, that’s the difference with us. If I listened to my heart and lived in the fantasy world that you live in, maybe I would be the one writing songs. Instead, my life is based on facts and sensible information. That’s how I am. I write books, I do research. It’s factual, just like me. I can’t get caught up in feelings.”  
“And if you did?” He grabbed my hand. “I need to know. Someone always loves the most, and that person is the one who gets hurts.”  
I swallowed. There was a lump in my throat. “I have to board.”  
He dropped my hand. “So that’s it. You’re just going to leave then.”  
I nodded. “I have to. I’m sorry Darren. It’s like I told you...I can’t be the person you want me to be.”  
“And I told you....you already are.” He stepped away from me.  
I turned and walked to the lady taking tickets. I handed the boarding pass to her. I stopped in the doorway and turned around. Darren was still there, watching me.  
I waved. He smiled, and I could tell he was feeling very emotional. I didn’t want to see him cry. I walked down the corridor and took my seat on the plane.  
I chuckled to myself as I realized I was sitting next to an old lady with an electronic bingo game in her lap.  
She looked at me when I sat down. “Hey...I saw you in the newspaper. You’re that writer they kidnapped, aren’t you?”  
I sighed. It was going to be a long flight.  
“That man sure cared a lot about you.” She remarked.  
“What?” I asked her.  
“That singer boy! Didn’t you read what he said about you?” She asked.  
“No, I sort of have avoided the newspaper.” I said truthfully.  
She shook her head at me in disappointment. “He said you were the bravest person he had ever known. Then the paper went on to say you lived in New York, and he lived here. They asked him what was going to happen, if he was going to move to New York with you.”  
“Yeah?” I asked.  
“He said all you had to do was ask him.” She smiled. “That he would drop everything for you. Isn’t that sweet? He would give up his career! He said that.”  
I didn’t say anything. Every excuse I’d given Darren for not staying, and he was ready to pack up his whole life and move to New York if I asked him. I felt my eyes moisten. I rubbed them.  
Then I burst into tears. I was the worst kind of person. Darren would give and give. I couldn’t take, and I couldn’t give back.  
The old lady patted me on the back. “You better go clear up those loose ends, sweetheart. He’s a keeper. He’s in love with you.”  
He had told the whole world he loved me. I couldn’t even tell him that I loved him. Then I cried even harder, because I realized that I did love him.  
“Go!” The old lady had excitement in her eyes.  
“No....I can’t. I can’t ask him to move. I wouldn’t.” I said.  
“Doesn’t he at least deserve to know that you love him?” She asked. “You do love him, don’t you?”  
I nodded through my tears.  
“Get off this plane! Take the next flight! Honey, if you leave things like this you will regret it the rest of your life.” She told me. She was right.  
Darren did at least deserve to know. Maybe I needed to learn to express my own emotions.  
I grabbed my carry on and started down the aisle. Then I stopped and went back.  
“What are you doing! Go!” The old lady stood up. I grabbed her and gave her a big hug.  
“Thank you.” I said simply.  
“You’re welcome. Now go!” She waved me off with a happy smile.  
I ran out of the plane and down to the airport. I didn’t see Darren anywhere. I started running towards the main part of the airport. Where was he?  
I couldn’t see through my tears. I passed a corridor that was all windows, and I spotted him. He was standing facing the windows, watching my plane. He had his hands shoved in his pockets.  
My plane was about to take off. It pulled away from the terminal, and Darren put his hand against the glass of the window.  
I stood at the end of the hallway and stared at him. I wished I could stay. I wished I could ask him to go with me. I couldn’t, but the old lady from the plane was right. He needed to know how I felt.  
He turned his head then, and looked at me. Something passed between us. I started to walk towards him. He started to walk towards me. I began to run.  
I practically jumped on him when I reached him, just grabbing him and holding him.  
After a minute, I pulled away and kissed him.  
He stared at me. “You’re crying.”  
I nodded. “I know.”  
“I thought you didn’t cry.” He touched my face, wiping one of the numerous tears away.  
“I don’t.” I laughed.  
“You missed your plane.” Darren looked out the window as my plane sailed off into the sky.  
“I couldn’t leave without telling you something.” I sniffed. “I’m not staying here.”  
“Yeah, I know that. And I know you didn’t get off the plane to tell me you were leaving.”  
“But....I did need you, Darren. I needed you that night at your house. Not just when I went downstairs...but before. When we were together. I needed someone to show me what real love was like. And then later, when you came downstairs, you saved my life.” I smiled. “You know....meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. I needed that. I needed you to show me that I could be loved, and that I was capable of feeling loved.”  
I went on. “Your life is here. My life is there. We both know that. I can’t move here anymore than you can move there. But I need you to know you saved my life in more ways than one. We were meant to be in each other’s lives, even if only for a week pr two. I love you too. And that is the main reason I can’t stay, or ask you to come with me.”  
“What?” Darren asked.  
“You would get frustrated with me. And somewhere out there is a girl who needs you just as much as you need her. I’m not what you need. I know you would come with me if I asked, and I love you too much to let you do that. But I know that me telling you all this is important to you.” I finished. I wiped my eyes with that back of my hand. “I need to figure out who I am. I can’t even have a normal relationship with my own family. I need to work on myself. You will always be special though, Darren.”  
“Jacey....” He paused and shook his head. “I need to go sit down.”  
We sat in those uncomfortable seats they have at the gates. Darren reached over and took my hand in his. “I know you can’t stay. I guess I always knew you would leave. I just hoped you wouldn’t.”  
I smiled weakly. “Stay with me until the next plane leaves?”  
Darren touched my lips with his finger. “Until whenever you say.”  
I had a sinking feeling that I would be walking away from the best thing ever. I was already jealous of the girl he would end up with.  
“How are you doing?” I asked him sincerely.  
He looked at me with serious eyes. “Well, okay considering I killed someone. Even if there are no charges, I still took someone’s life. That’s really hard to deal with.”  
I leaned back in the chair. I could feel the drugs kicking in. “This is all so weird. I just want things to be normal again.”  
Darren didn’t say anything. Normal meant us being far away from each other.  
The next plane for New York was leaving in twenty minutes. I stood up. “I need to get to the gate.”  
Darren stood up and walked with me. I saw a few people point at us and whisper. I knew that we had been all over the newspapers.  
While we were walking to the right gate, Darren grabbed my hand and smiled at me. “I don’t care what everyone sees and thinks. This might be the last time I get to hold your hand.”  
I squeezed his hand and smiled.  
Before I boarded, we shared a teary goodbye. Darren held my face gently and kissed me.  
“Keep in touch Jacey,” he whispered.  
I kissed him back, knowing full well it would be the last time. “Goodbye Darren. You have a wonderful future ahead of you. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. Thank you for sharing with me.”  
He smiled. “I wish I could be a strong as you.”  
I backed away from him and hitched my carry on over my shoulder. “No, you don’t.” I said under my breath so he couldn’t hear me. It hurt too much inside to be strong on the outside. Whoever said that was strong, anyway?  
“You know,” I commented, “I still don’t understand why Natalie kidnapped Leonie in the first place.”  
“According to the police, you weren’t even supposed to be involved, Jace. It was all about me. My friend missing right before I go on a big promotion tour. Then once Natalie found out that you were coming to California, she decided to try to set you up too. The sad thing is that she had Ryan following Leo around until he could approach her and ask her out without raising her suspicions. She really liked him, and it was all fake. If I had just mentioned who I was in New York to see, maybe we would have figured this all out without the big drama.”  
“Well, we still might have missed the connection,” I consoled.  
“Yeah, we were too busy connecting in other ways,” Darren grinned.  
The final boarding call came over the speakers.  
“I have to go,” I said.  
“You could still stay,” Darren suggested.  
“You know I can’t. Someday you are going to be so happy......with someone else.” I said sadly.  
Darren grabbed my hand. “I thought that love defied all barriers.”  
“Sometimes love just isn’t enough,” I smiled. “I’ll miss you.”  
Darren took two steps forward and enveloped me in a huge hug. When he finally let me go, we both had tears in our eyes.  
“Call me when you get back?” Darren asked.  
I nodded. “ I will. Goodbye, Darren.”  
I turned and started to walk down the hallway. I stopped and faced Darren again. “You know I don’t regret any of this, right?”  
He smiled. “I know. I’d walk through fire and hell and do it all again.”  
I knew he meant it too. “Me too.”  
I stepped back and waved. “Bye.”  
I walked quickly onto the plane before I changed my mind. I couldn’t look back.  
As I sat alone in my seat, I could feel my heart breaking into a million pieces. My soul felt heavy, and the tears came freely. As we headed for the runway, I leaned my head against the plane window and bid San Francisco a sad goodbye. I knew Darren couldn’t see me, but I put my hand against the glass. I just knew he was doing the same.  
We sailed off into the clear blue sky, but my spirit was crashing around me. Was I making a big mistake? Time was the only medicine I could hope for. I cried myself to sleep.  
When I awoke from my dreams of Darren, we were about to land in New York. I collected my carry on, sat there and waited. I knew I had made the right decision. I had my career, and I had to work on my relationship with myself and my family before I could worry about other people.  
Natalie’s plan had worked. I was accosted by reporters as soon as I exited the plane. I waved them off with a series of “No comments”. I just wanted to go home.  
I took a cab and picked up my dog from the boarder’s. I spent an evening curled up on the couch crying with Goliath licking my face every few minutes.  
The next morning I called my mom back home in Kentucky. It was the first step in mending the relationships in my life.  
The months flew by. I completed my book tour, and spent time with my family. I began to form the relationship I should have had with my parents. My sister Angela and I became closer. I was finally beginning to realize that maybe I was worth caring about.  
My book became a bestseller. My first book, Ride, was in preproduction for filming. I even had a cameo in it. Life for me was going great, with one gaping exception. Darren wasn’t in it.  
Darren’s cd flew to the top of the charts as soon as it was released. I never called him once I got back to New York. I knew I wouldn’t. I think he knew I wouldn’t either.  
He sent me flowers to my apartment saying congratulations on the book and movie. I sent him a note with an autographed copy of the book.  
Natalie and Ryan pled guilty to attempted murder, first degree murder, and kidnapping charges. They wouldn’t see the light of day for a while.  
Darren’s troubles were not over though. I read in the paper a few months later that some crazy fans held him hostage in his own home. A fan from the internet who happened to overhear some vital information saved his life. Apparently, she was hurt in a confrontation and lost her memory. The only thing she remembered was that her first name was Alyssa. There was a picture in the paper of Darren with his arm around her, leading her to a car. She had sunglasses on, and I really couldn’t see much with all the people surrounding them in the picture.  
I felt sickened when I heard about what happened. I felt panicked. I was so far away, and imagining what Darren had gone through threw me into an emotional spiral. I immediately packed a bag and flew to San Francisco. I didn’t even take my medication to get on the plane.  
When I arrived, it was night time. I took a cab to Darren’s house. The gate was open, and I marched right through it.  
I was about to walk up and knock on the door when I caught sight of two people in the living room through the open curtains. Although I hadn’t really seen a very clear picture of Alyssa in the paper, I knew that was who I was looking at. The scary thing was that we looked amazingly similar. She had pale skin and dark hair like me, full lips, and even her eyes were like mine. I swallowed hard.  
My breath caught in my throat as I saw Darren waltz into the room. He looked wonderful. He grabbed Alyssa around the waist, and they started dancing. She was laughing, fully enjoying the moment.  
After a minute, she seemed to grow tired, and sat down. Darren asked her something, and I saw her nod. He left the room and returned with a glass of water.  
I watched him sit down next to her, and she smiled up at him, laying her head on his shoulder.  
I backed away from the window, and fell right over a rock, banging into an old fashioned water fountain. “Ow!”  
Oh no. I saw Darren get up from the couch and come towards the window. I threw myself into the prickly bushes as I heard the window just above my head open.  
“What was that?” I heard a female voice ask.  
“I don’t see anything. Don’t worry, hon. I’m sure its nothing.” Darren replied. The sound of his voice threw my heart into flips. Something about the way he talked to her let me know that he cared immensely for her. I felt jealous for a minute, but it passed.  
After he closed the window, I came out of the bushes, and dusted myself off.  
“What are you doing here Jacey?”  
I whirled around, startled. Leonie was standing behind me.  
“Ah...I was just leaving.” I said, glancing through the window.  
“Why don’t you come in a say hi, instead of hiding in the bushes?” Leonie smiled. “Oh, and thank you for sending me a copy of the book. Its great.”  
“Oh, sure. It was the least I could do...umm...do me a favor?” I asked.  
She nodded.  
“Don’t tell Darren I was here.”  
“Okay.” She didn’t ask why.  
I smiled sadly. “He’s in love, isn’t he?”  
Leonie smiled. “He missed you a lot. You guys would have been great. But he met Alyssa.”  
“They look cute together,” I commented.  
“They need each other.” She stated.  
I smiled. That’s all I ever wanted for Darren. I knew I could go home happy. Knowing he was in love seemed to release me.  
“I’m going to leave now. Thanks again for not telling him.” I said. I was surprised I was taking it so well. I think maybe I had known in some way before I even left New York. This was closure for me.  
Leonie nodded, and watched as I walked away. I took a cab straight back to the airport and flew back home. They showed “The Bodyguard” on the flight home. It was funny how the words of that Whitney Houston song fit my life.  
“If I should stay, I would only be in your way.  
So I’ll go, but I know I’ll think of you every step of the way.  
And I will always love you.  
Bittersweet memories, that is all I’m taking with me.  
So goodbye, please don’t cry....we both know I’m not what you need.  
And I will always love you.  
I hope life treats you kind  
And I hope you have all you dreamed of  
And I wish you joy and happiness, but of all this  
I wish you love.  
And I will always love you.”

Life in New York went on. I made sure Darren was invited to the premiere of Ride when it came out. He had a song by the same name, and I made sure it was in the movie. He brought Alyssa with him. I was seeing a well known actor who was in Ride, finally being able to let someone else into my life. I thought it might be love, but I didn’t want to rush things. Darren and I exchanged cordial hellos, but with all the interviews I never really had a chance to talk to him. He seemed happy, and I was happy. Darren and I would always mean something to each other, but we had moved on.  
I learned that just because you want something and you like how it makes you feel, it doesn’t mean its right. Love is about letting go and realizing your true self. Darren could have moved with me, but he chose to let me go and discover who I was. In the end, he found the one that was right for him.  
I would never forget him. I would always love him. 

#

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic back in 2002. It was the first fan fic I had ever written so forgive any silly writer errors or silly storylines.


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